Living Weapons

Living weapons require blood. Without it, they wilt and curse their custodians. They are jealous, and fickle. To wield them and their sorcery is to reach the highest pinnacle of martial art. Even the greatest of magic weapons have their limits, for they are dead and static. Living weapons always have the capacity to grow.

Acquiring a living weapon is no small task. You must find a sorcerer-blacksmith, and you must either befriend or betray him, that he might coax what dangerous forces be into wood, bone, leather, and iron that might armor your spirit. He must know who you are - you, your family, your lineage - and what spirits stalk your path. He must lure them into the motherly forge to be reborn in iron. He must feed them with a blood temper.

Then, you will have a weapon with no limits.

~~~~~

Here are the rules:

You must feed your living weapon with blood once a month, on every significant holiday, and on its birthday, or else it will grow angry and curse you. It will not remind you, it expects that you remember.

The more blood fed, the more powerful the weapon becomes.

The better blood fed, the more powerful it becomes. The best blood comes from dragons and other high predators. Livestock and other tasty bloods provide high sustenance but require high volume.

Some bloods are blasphemous. Those born of social taboos or of aberrations are most blasphemous. The weapon will wretch and scream to be offered such things.

Blood to power works on orders of magnitude, on logarithmic scales.

5 Blood Offerings = +0 Weapon
25 Blood Offerings = +1 Weapon
125 Blood Offerings = +2 Weapon
600 Blood Offerings = +3 Weapon
3,000 Blood Offerings = +4 Weapon
15,000 Blood Offerings = +5 Weapon
And so on. There is no limit.

In general, the Blood Offerings of a creature is equal to its Hit Dice.

Small livestock will be 0 HD, providing sustenance but little gain.
Large livestock will be 1 HD, providing one Blood Offering.
High Predators, such as lions, rocs, or basilisks provide triple their HD in Offerings.
Dragons provide ten times their HD in Offerings.

Normally, only one Offering may be made per day. A Living Weapon needs time to gorge.

Only you, or someone closely related to you by blood may gain the benefits of the Living Weapon. Your father could use it, or maybe someone in your clan. Your twin could use it as good as you. In fact, a twin is indistinguishably the same person to a Living Weapon as its original wielder.

Every Living Weapon gets one effect from the below list for each +1 it has.
Reroll duplicates.

d20	Effects
1	Self-killing. If death or total defeat becomes certain it will kill its owner, stabbing them through the heart.
2	Navigating. Always slightly tugs towards the magnetic north. Remembers with perfect clarity where it has been.
3	Sustaining. Collects and condenses fresh water from the air upon its waxy surface, enough to sustain the wielder.
4	Protecting. Grows in parallel with the limbs like a creeping vine, providing additional armor while ‘sheathed’, shoots into the hand like a spring-loaded hidden blade.
5	Venomous. Drinks the users blood, turning it into a potent immunological venom laced along the instrument. The wielder is immune.
6	Revealing. Chemiluminescence in the presence of betrayers and traitors.
7	Hidden. Worn on skin in circlet, such as bracelet, torc, or belt. Wielder touching handle springs it straight.
8	Sentinel. Glows, vibrates, or unsheathes in the presence of hidden hostiles.
9	Symbiotic. Gradually replaces limb, forming symbiotic weapon. Can stretch, grapple, and flex without conscious command.
10	Faithful. It will eat or mangle the hand of the thieves or unworthy wielders who grasp it in a bear trap of iron teeth.
11	Bending. Absorbs stress and anxiety from user as potential energy to bend around opponents’ defenses.
12	Bardic. Sings the songs of war and camaraderie, and praises of its wielder and their lineage, inspiring allies and taunting foes.
13	Throwing. Will veer towards called targets, spinning and curving like the wind has caught it.
14	Wailing. Screams with a frightening wail when drawn, with the shrieking yells of a hundred furious foes.
15	Wounding. Striking unleashes anticoagulant into wounds, preventing healing on opponent.
16	Shadow-killing. Hurts the shadows of men. Wounds begin to appear internally 1d4 Hours later on real body.
17	Nemacystic. From draping brilliant vines it unleashes soundless electric shocks to enemies on touch.
18	Adaptive. Weapon alchemically shifts to be composed of material that is target’s weakness, after it has hit target once.
19	Reproductive. Sheds ‘seeds’ of metal that grow in rich soil and flesh like bamboo shoots. Given time, a full-grown weapon will be harvestable.
20	Dancing. After performing an action, it will repeat this action on its own accord. If attacking a person, will repeat the same attacks it just performed.

In addition, every Living Weapon has a Personality, and must be placated or else the wielder will be Cursed.

d10	Ego, Like A...	Requirements. You must...	Or It Will...
1	Jealous lover. Constantly pries about your company, berating them behind their backs.	Scorn company, spending significant time in isolation every day. (At least an hour)	Sabotage your company. Cutting compatriots, or ending mysteriously embedded in dead hirelings.
2	Insecure person with no self-esteem. Constantly berates itself to the point of annoyance. Invents falsehoods to self-flagellate.	Constantly offer it compliments and denials to assuage it from its self-depreciation.	Rot away into nothing, taking some of your energy along with it.
3	Nagging spouse. Demands that you hold to your responsibilities, and makes up new ones on the spot.	Either do everything the weapon says, or say that you’ll do it and procrastinate.	Betray you for someone else. It will become your rival’s Living Weapon instead, seeking your demise.
4	Negging acquaintance. Provides insults veiled as compliments on very personal matters.	Entertain and distract it.	Unleash its vitriol, both literally and figuratively. Refuses to function properly until it receives its undeserved apology.
5	Serial Killer, relishing in the aesthetics and feelings of murder.	Decorate yourself and your weapon in trophies.	Make you one of its trophies.
6	Bloodthirsty monster. Cares not for conversation or discussion, only for carnage.	Make more promises for bloodshed, for there will never be enough of it.	Become a dancing rampage, indiscriminately killing in a murderous frenzy.
7	Manipulative vizier, always cautioning and coercing your opinion, never ceding power.	Play the fool, but never truly be one. Be just as manipulative as the weapon.	Possess your body, moving from fingertips to torso, incrementally. Catalyzed opportunistically.
8	Ruthless propagandist, spewing unsupported falsehoods over and over again until it sticks.	Always agree with it. Always put a spin on things that tie back to its worldview. Assuage its narcissism.	Start secretly spreading lies about you to those you meet.
9	Compulsive liar, creating falsehoods about even the smallest things.	Lie right back. Never tell it the truth. Play its game, but even harder.	Tell truths - far more worse than lies.
10	Judgmental parent - nothing you ever do is good enough.	Keep trying to impress it, regardless of its efforts attempting to un-earn its own respect.	Ruthlessly discipline you with painful corporal punishment, telling you its for your own good.

Under Gallax Hall 24-34

Megadungeon Intro

Level 1 : 1-12
Level 1 : 13-23

Under Gallax Hall - Level 1 - Basement

Made on Gridmapper by Alex Schroeder

Random Lectures

(Use these during appropriate time slots)

d10	Lecture	Professor	Quote	Hazard
1	The Wizard Anatomy: Lymphatic System	Gubber - gnomish, excited, actually a good teacher.	“ALWAYS make sure to cannibalize your colleagues lymph nodes to acquire their spell immunity!”	Overly eager undergraduate students following the lecture (at hour’s conclusion). A pack of 2d6 of them wanting to eat lymph nodes.
2	Political Science: Enchantment and Power	Thorax - subtly manipulative, dressed to become governor, no morals.	“And when SOMEBODY decides to interrupt your lecture, you can do this!”	Professor will attempt to Charm noisy guests to come to center stage and perform like a monkey for an hour.
3	Alchemy: Tongues, Eyes, and Noses	Glassgoi - Droning, deadpan-faced, unclean.	“So! Do I have a volunteer?” (holding a bloody knife)	Professor will cut off the tongue, eyes, or nose of the ‘volunteer’.
4	Torture: Simple, Physical Methods	Dr. Klaus - every German doctor stereotype ever.	“You’ll vitness a cracking sound, right about now…”	None, except if you’re on ‘academic probation’, like that poor soul presently stretched on the rack.
5	Conjuring Carbohydrates	Ninny - incomprehensible, dead inside, literally a zombie??	“So, yes… That is why most food you eat is formed out of very small chairs.”	None, unless you decide to consume some of the ‘demonstration carbohydrates’, in which case, Save vs. Poison or 40% chance of slow and painful death over 1d8 days.
6	Poisons: Snakes!	Dr. Braum - way too enthusiastic about sadism, prone to pranks, dressed like a happy academic (terribly).	“And now, if you would all reach under your chairs…”	Snakes under the chairs. There’s a pop quiz! Formulate the antidote, or die!
7	Anti-Gravity Spellcraft	Mummin - armchair authoritarian, purveyor of corporal punishment, a sad little man.	“Ah! Another latecomer, I see!”	Arriving at any time other than right on the beginning hour results in tripping reverse-gravity spell and floating towards the ceiling for an hour.
8	Binding the Murder Demon	Grover - graduate conjurer, failed multiple exams but still around somehow, pleasant on the eyes.	“Steady…. Steady… One tiny mistake could mean certain death for us all.”	Entire class is binding a horrible spiny spiky flaming-eyed murder demon. Everyone is petrified with fear, except the professor. Even a minor disruption will release the demon and begin a bloodbath.
9	Feeding Familiars	Xynox - Freakin’ loves pets, will kill for the cute things, doesn’t mind interruptions.	“Now, if everyone will take our their still-beating human hearts, I’ll demonstrate the proper feeding technique.”	That Guy forgot his still-beating human heart today. Asks if he can borrow yours. If yes, then kali-ma into your chest and pull it out. If no, then he’ll really press the issue (his grades will suffer, he’ll look like an idiot, you don’t really need it, etc.)
10	*Loud Screaming*	You think it’s actually just a homeless man?	“AAAAHHH! AAAAAUUUGGHH!!! AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!”	It’s loud. Really loud. Why are people here? Do they think this mad homeless man is a professor? Is he a professor??? Probably.

24. 'Mr. Alabaster' Auditorium - B14, B16, B18
   2-3: Custodian    3-4: Random Lecture   4-6: Empty 
   6-7: Random Lecture   7-8: Empty   8-9: Random Lecture   9-2: Empty

Rich Mr. Alabaster, so rich and so generous, donated a most uncomfortable auditorium to the university - every chair, desk, and table is made from alabaster. His vainglorious name is plastered everywhere about the auditorium on bronze plagues. It can seat 500 students. Vertically-rotating chalkboards and a podium at the front.

TREASURE: Each chair (500 total), table (4), and desk (2) looks like expensive alabaster, but is in fact a cheap coating over rock. Looks like it'd be worth 50gp per chair, but is in fact 0.5gp per chair.

Each of the three main entrances/exits has a different room number, because Mr. Alabaster thought it deserved it as such.

TRAP: There are 3 visible chalkboards. A 4th and 5th are hidden behind the others. One can pull a chain to rotate them around. On the 4th there is a trapped memetic-triggered rune circle. Those who look into it become mesmerized and stupefied until removed from the room.

SECRET:  On the 5th is the template for the spell Unseeming. It has been partially erased. Three successive INT checks required to complete it.


25. Backstage - B14, B16, B18
   2-3: Custodian    3-4: Random Lecture   4-6: Empty 
   6-7: Random Lecture   7-8: Empty   8-9: Random Lecture   9-2: Empty

Note: Lectures occupy Room 24, and people from it rarely come backstage.

Three levers on the wall behind the stage: one red, one yellow, and one black. All will be in the 'up' position by default. Positions may be 'up', 'midway', or 'down'.

Lever	Effect	Position	Lights
Red	Normal Lights	Up	Off
Yellow	Furious Fugue. Those effected focus furiously on the subject of their attention, ignoring all distractions (no matter how perilous).	Mid	Stage Lights Only
Black	Random Death Rays. Each Round 1 in 6 chance of being hit. Save vs. Death or die.	Down	Auditorium Lights

26. Mr. Alabaster Statue
10-1: Empty   1-10: Alabaster Cat

A most boring alabaster statue of an old balding man in a suit.

Engraved on the podium below: "In Memory of Mr. Alabaster - Generous Philanthropist, Capitalist Among Wizards, Bane of Cats."

For nine hours of the day, 1 o'clock until 10 o'clock, an alabaster-white cat lies peacefully curled up at the feet of the statue. During these hours it is composed of stone. At 10 o'clock, however, the cat animates and walks through the western secret wall, which becomes illusory at this time. It heads down the broken-support-laden pit to Level 4 - Forgotten Monastery, for feeding time.


27. Empty Room - B22
   3-4: Custodian    4-8: Empty   8-9: Random Lecture   9-3: Empty

There is absolutely nothing in this room. Not a single thing. Not even a mote of dust.


28. Student Lockers - B21
   1-3: Empty  3-4: Custodian    4-5: Empty   5-7: Steward, He'll fucking kill you! 
   7-10: Empty    10-1: 1% Chance Unveiling Eye Secret Meeting 

36 lockers in three rows. Four are noteworthy:

1. Lock with Key is Small Mimic: Three valuable textbooks within (1d4 x 25gp each), and paper note: "To Whom It May Concern, I'll fucking kill you, book thief! - Steward "

Steward, Senior Undergrad: 
AC Leather HD 4 HP 16  1d6 Sharp Knife  Spells: Locate Object, Fireball, Burning Hands.

2. Combination Lock Magic Vacuum Trap: presents numbers 1-100. Whatever number the lock is turned to is the number you'll need to roll on or above on percentile to avoid being compacted into the locker once it's opened. Two ultra-compacted dead students and 16gp are super-compressed inside.

3. Unmarked Locker, Magic Mouth: Touch the locker door, and Mouth appears: "Why do we clean?" Password: "That there should be more filth.". Fail: the locker will be empty and Mouth will not appear again for 10 Hours. Succeed: the locker's contents are revealed: a bullseye lantern, 2 pints of Ghost Oil (light produced Turns ghosts without fail), and a complete map of The Steam Tunnels (Level 2).

4. Bank Teller Graffiti, Deposit Box: cartoon of sublime bank teller graffiti'd onto locker door. Coin slot requires 1gp. Every person who opens locker door accesses extradimensional safe deposit box unique to that person.

For  those that don't appear noteworthy, roll 1d6:
1. Empty, Clean
2. Empty, Dusty
3. Empty, Smells Musky
4. Empty, Smells Gross
5. A single low-value coin frustratingly wedged into a crevice of the locker.
6. Article of clothing: (1.Sock  2. Shirt  3. Pants  4. Robes  5. Underwear  6. Glasses)


29. Wall of Gazing Guys, Classroom - B24
   4-5: Custodian    5-6: Random Lecture   6-9: Empty   9-10: Random Lecture   10-4: Empty

Typical classroom layout: chairs, teacher's desk at front, etc.

Entire north wall is covered, floor to ceiling, in mini-portraits of unnamed stern-looking people. Their eyes follow everyone in the room. They watch your every action unceasingly.


30. Water Fountain
   4-5: Custodian    5-4: Empty

Double chance of Wandering Encounter. They'll be taking a drink.

Low-power water fountain. Has enough juice to pump out three mouthfuls of water per day. Roll for what servings those are, adding +1 for each serving already given.

1d4, +1 per Attempt:
1. Poison, Odorless, Tastes like Burning. Induce vomiting or Save vs. Poison to avoid death in 1 hour.
2. Poison, Metallic Scent, Rusty Appearance. Lethal amounts of lead.
3. Dirty, Gross. Tastes awful.
4. Metal-Tasting Water. Potable, but bleh.
5. Clear, Semi-Fresh. Heals 1d4 damage.
6. Crystal Clear, Quenching. Heals 1d6 damage, and sustains drinker of food/water for 1 day.


31. Secret Behind Unicorn Statue - B23
 1% chance upon entry of Unveiling Eye meeting in progress

A stone Unicorn-in-gallop statue sits in an alcove. On the Unicorn's backside, hidden from view unless one squeezes behind it, is a note carefully penned in ink: "The Unicorn flees the Gazing Hand of Authority."

SEARCH: Track marks going from the base of behind the statue, going into the eastern alcove wall, which appears loosely cobbled and the bricks may be removed to reveal a crawlspace.

SECRET: If the statue of Zarlor is pointed towards the East, the Unicorn statue may be pushed back five feet to the east, demolishing the bricked-up entrance to the secret room with a hoof. (This wall is reconstructed after every secret meeting.)

The room is dark. Lounge furniture under dusty covers. Cobwebs over every corner. Evidence of magic circles and spells of nondetection littered throughout the room (worth 2d4 x 100gp in reagents) - goat horns, cat claws, colored candles, wax.

A Magic Pentagram lies traced in the dust, along with footprints circling it. In its middle is an issue of The Unveiling Eye, titled: "Statues". This Magic Circle is warded against People of Authority (Administrators, Police, Professors, etc.), and if any part of such a person crosses the threshold of the circle, then the Issue will instantly burst into flames, rendered unreadable.

TREASURE: Unveiling Eye - Statues: Details suspicions and rumors about various statues around campus.
1. Every statue is made and placed at a particular spot for a reason.
2. During certain hours particular statues will walk around. This is known to be true for the Lions in the Library and the Founder Statue, for certain.
3. Statues are associated with secrets.

If the Unveiling Eye is meeting, then 2d4 students dressed in navy blue robes detailed in white lidless eyes will be chanting old words around the magic circle, then continue their meeting discussing various Cults and mysteries around campus. They will welcome newcomers, with robes to spare, if they're inclined and no authority figures are present. They will not reveal their identities.


32. Nap Room - B25
   5-6: Custodian   6-10: Empty   10-5: Wandering Encounter

Twelve bunk-beds, all but three of which have been stripped down to their frames. Those that aren't are uncomfortable and itchy, but they're free. The walls are soundproof, and things come here to nap. A Custodian comes and cleans at 5 o'clock, waking and scaring anything out of the room.


33. Library of Anthropology - B27
   6-7: Custodian   7-10: Empty   10-6: 1d4 Anthropology Students, and a Librarian who shows up to 5 minutes then leaves

Those poor Anthropology majors. Their department has no funding, so their library is here, in the stomach of Gallax Hall. You can hear screaming resonating through the southern wall. It sucks being next to the Department of Torture. If only they had that kind of funding...

Rows of poorly-maintained shelves containing a few dozen (4d12) books on Anthropology (worth 1-5gp each). A librarian desk manned for 5 minutes a day. The books cannot be removed without a Librarian's Stamp - they'd dematerialize and reappear back on the shelves.

TREASURE: Each book (1d6x5gp) has a special rune that causes this dematerialization hidden somewhere in it. It looks kinda like an mini-elephant. Tear it out of the book, and the security system won't affect it.

MIR and Technological Revolution

Magical Industrial Revolution's PDF just hit Kickstarter backers, and as a fan of wizards, philosophy, society, and their combinatorial shenanigans, I couldn't help but partake. Glancing over the file, I find plenty of useful tidbits (which I can easily season with gonzo to my personal tastes), but none more so than the Innovations section about 20 pages in.

Here, I think Skerples hits the nail on the head for one of the most exciting core narratives for an RPG campaign can be: Revolution. Change.

Change, not so much in the way History has traditionally viewed it: with the rise and fall of Big People, with grand wars and grand empires, with technology emerging from the minds of great men like Athena from Zeus's skull and then suddenly just, like... being everywhere... But with how it alters and affects every day people, how they view and interact with the world. How it gradually and subtly worms its ways into our collective perceptions of Life.

How, for instance, the railroad revolutionized our notions of space and time, or how A.I. revolutionizes are notions of personhood.

True to its namesake, Magical Industrial Revolution attempts to capture how technology drastically alters society, bringing it to the foreground of the stage (rather than say, the backdrop, or completely ignoring it). It offers incremental escalations and adventures related to various world-changing magics, such as Polymorph, Teleportation, Flight, Scrying, and Extra-dimensional Space.

As presented in the book, each of these technologies goes through a complete evolutionary cycle. It begins obscure and unrecognized for its true potential, then the Powers That Be dig in their claws and it multiplies by the capacities of modernity and capitalism, and then eventually it forms the collapse of society. Scrying, for instance, starts as some guy being very naughty and unethical, then the state police get ahold of it to monitor crime, and then they make the Panopticon, and then everything is predictably horrible.

And most importantly, the book suggests that the players insert themselves into this process. It provides NPCs and quests and new things to play with at every stage in each technology's evolution. And I love it. A society changing on the ground is the perfect environment for the traditional shenanigans of an RPG campaign. It has been said before: a stagnant setting cannot be exploited. Nobody goes questing where everything is fine and dandy forever.

M.I.R. doesn't take its magic nor its society for granted, and neither should your campaign!

Convention Signup Checklist

Based on my last few experiences at gaming conventions, I've made a checklist for myself: a variety of games I should try at a convention. At Gen Con, I made the mistake of only signing up for dungeon crawls, and despite them being pretty great, I definitely could have used some variety. So, with U-Con quickly approaching:

Before The Convention Starts, Sign Up For...

1. A Character Funnel

I have never played a character funnel that I didn't enjoy. I consider these the high point of one-shot play: silly, crazy, wonderful, unique, and condense. These will virtually always be DCC games.

2. A Dungeon Crawl

I made the mistake at Gen Con of playing several dungeon crawls back-to-back, but they were still all enjoyable, and I think one or maybe two of these in a weekend is the sweet spot.

3. A Spooky Game

Most of the time these will be Call of Cthulhu. It's a good idea to have one of these, for variety.

4. Game Run by Honored Guest, Creator, or Person You'd Like to Meet

These are pretty safe bets for some quality content, not least of which because they're games that have been run multiple times for many different audiences.

5. Game in a System You'd Like to Try But Haven't Played

Pretty self-explanatory. No better place to try out a new system than a convention!

6. Someone's Weird Homebrew

These are hard to find, due to usually being devoid of find-able tags, but they tend to be gems in the rough. If someone managed to convince an event coordinator at a convention to showcase their weird homebrew, then they've probably put a lot of effort into it.

~~~~~

And that's it! Six games is plenty for a weekend.