Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Dog Town

Found by The Old Courthouse in Wizard City Hexcrawl.

Feral dogs roam the streets of the poor districts. They fight for food. They fight each other. They accost travelers in the wee hours and sometimes eat a whole wizard if they're desperate enough.

Little do the people know, that these are but the brigands, the bandits, the exiles of the Greater Dog Society, lurking on the periphery of the illustrious and very secret Dog Town.

First! You must brave these bandit alleyways. Their territory is wide and dangerous, but they are timid when presented with numbers.

Second! You must confront the Sentries: large guard dogs protecting seemingly unimportant places: strangely pristine garbage containers, small dusty holes at the bases of buildings, half-broken dog houses in smelly dark alleys. These Sentries are disciplined and strong. They shall not let anyone pass who does not have permission from The Mayor, and will not chase beyond sight of their posts. They speak only in Dog, and though they're strong and fierce, they're usually pretty dumb, even for guards.

Third! You must navigate the Tunnels of Terrible Smells!

(Really, not scary at all, unless you're a dog, I guess.)

Then you shall emerge in Dog Town! Town of Dogs! It is warm! It is bright! It is paradise for all of dog kind! Expect a warm and fluffy greeting. The Mayor will certainly want to meet you.

From From Studio Ghibli's The Cat Returns

Characters in Dog Town

The Mayor
The big cheese around here. Venerable weiner dog with a big fake mustache and a monocle. (How else would you know that he's mayor??) Constantly running around doing mayor things, which most of the time is canvassing for votes and delegating other dogs to fix problems "for the good of Dog Town!"


Sentries
Guardians of the Old Master. Magically-enhanced shepherds, twice the size of a grown man, always working in pairs. Strong, disciplined, and dumb as rocks. With the Old Master gone, they follow the orders of The Wizard now, him being their last tie to their old creator. Should The Wizard fall, the Sentries will simply wander off, leaving Dog Town defenseless.

The Wolfdog
A big fluffy snow white husky with heterochromatic eyes. Magic. Super magic. So magical he doesn't even know it! Goofy and melodramatic, unable to understand the powers he possesses. Capable of teleportation, invisibility, levitation, scrying, speaking with dead, and resurrection. Can't go up or down stairs, pass through the circumferences of circles, or enter homes without permission. Probably Fey.

The Retriever
A big dumb-faced lovable lab. When dogs in Dog Town need things, they go to him. He fetch. Runs the General Store, which doesn't actually keep anything in stock - he just fetches things on demand as folk put in orders. HE INSISTS ON THE ORDERS! THIS IS A REAL BUSINESS! Doesn't actually care about whether the forms are filled out correctly (most aren't, or are already filled out, or are soaked in drool).

I have absolutely no idea why someone made this or why a wizard 
bulldog would get things done, but it's entirely appropriate.

The Wizard

Who everyone goes to when problems get serious. An ancient bulldog of 24 years (168 in human). One opaque eye and one floppy benign face tumor. Grumpy, rude, lonesome, and clever. He was a wizard's pet two decades ago. That proximity to The Old Master granted him insight into the arcane, and unnatural intelligence. Knows a few modest spells, which he mostly uses to impress and terrify the populace of Dog Town. Lives in a miniature tower on the edge of town - a dog house dubiously perched atop a stack of rickety lumber.

The Old Master
The only thing left of her is a portrait kept in The Wizard's tower, which the Wizard brings out once a (human) year for the town to gaze upon in remembrance. Nobody's sure why she disappeared one day and never returned to Dog Town. Obviously, she was a wizard. Probably a rather lonely one. From her happy portrait with The Wizard, though, it may not have been willingly.

d20
Problems in Dog Town
1
There’s a pipe that needs loosening but nobody has hands!
2
There’s a howl that’s been continuously going since last night, and nobody can do anything else until it stops, and it starts again once anyone decides to howl.
3
The Mayor needs to collect taxes, but he has no idea what to tax or how much.
4
Somebody’s locked up the park! Who has the key??
5
Wolfdog is very very sad. “OooooOOOOOoooohhhh!...” He can’t remember why.
6
They spotted a cat! We must find and arrest this infiltrator!
7
How will we ever save up for college when we keep spending our money on treats?
8
The Mayor is bored, we must entertain him!
9
Nobody’s scooping up the poop anymore.
10
Disaster! Disaster! Total Disaster!!! What is it, you say? Not sure, but it’s very bad!!
11
Those doppelgangers have shown up again in the drinking water, we must arrest and question them, if only they weren’t so quick!
12
Nobody’s sure who’s supposed to have more authority and responsibility: the Mayor of Dog Town or the King of Dogs? (Dog legalities and federalism are weird.)
13
Someone’s tail is getting put on trial for insulting the mayor! This isn’t immediately obvious to outsiders. Nobody is aware of the consequences of corporal punishment upon that to whom the tail is attached.
14
Fleas! Fleas everywhere! A plague upon Dog Town!
15
Pls throw? No take! Only Throw! (Not solving this problem shall result in arrest.)
16
Somebody has gone missing! They’re so tiny, where have they gone?! Organize a search! (The biggest dog is sitting on them, right in the middle of town square.)
17
Somebody ate all the food! Who could it be?! (Certainly not the bloated groaning dog laying down by the food dispensers. That would be too obvious!)
18
A terrible darkness has fallen over Dog Town! We must consult The Wizard! He’ll know what to do! (It’s just a big dark perfectly normal cloud.)
19
Somebody’s not sharing the ball, and they’re not using it, but they’re not sharing it!
20
The town needs to build a new house, but nobody knows even the faintest aspect of architecture. Attempts keep falling over.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Goodberry Monthly Turns 2!

Happy anniversary, Goodberry Monthly! As of Monday, January 20th, you are officially two years old! I offer a reflection on those two years.

"Goodberry Monthly" was a weird choice name. This blog neither publishes on a monthly basis nor does it have much to do with Goodberries. Originally, this was the name of the campaign newsletter for my home campaign, in which I'd do in-character session summaries and articles on important aspects of the campaign world, written by a chronomancer from the future. When I was originally envisioning the blog, I made a list of potential names, then let my friends vote on it.

Some notable alternatives:
Were I remaking my blog again today, I'd definitely go with that last one. Or maybe Dragon Tea Party. Or City of True Time.

Anyway, thank you everyone for reading my blog! Have a quick list of goblin birthday parties:

1d12 Goblin Birthday Parties

1. They're playing pin the tail on the donkey. Actual tail. Actual donkey. Fatalities expected.
2. Layered mud pie with mud frosting and mud sauce. Mud on the side. Dynamite candle. Make your wish!
3. There were approximately 800 times more of you born this day than the biggest smartest goblin could count, so everyone is to give a tooth to the goblin on your left as a birthday gift.
4. Birthday stabs all around, hooray!
5. They're gonna bring out the old pigskin for a toss. It's not a ball, mind you, just a big floppy filthy skin.
6. Put away the stone of shame! Bring out the stone of celebration!
7. There shall be one designated minute of screams.
8. Today, we eat quality garbage!
9. Raid a farm. Steal a pig. Crown it Prince of Goblins. Profit.
10. Time to dig your birthday hole, here's a shovel.
11. There shall be a period of fasting, followed by a period of weeping, followed by a period of violence, followed by a period of dancing, followed by a period of weeping again, followed by a nap.
12. Let's inform the wizard of our celebration! He definitely won't set us on fire this time!

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Intravenous Solutions

Found in Witch's Hex in the Wizard City Hexcrawl.

In a back alley reeking of blood and littered with vampire bats is a petite little shop run by three witchy sisters - Intravenous Solutions. Gretchin, Sascha, and Filamina sell not potions, but serums, by buying blood wholesale and processing it themselves. With various methods of centrifugation and infusion, they add particular alchemical ingredients to the stock serums to produce potent magical effects.

Some key differences between potions and serums:
  • Serums are injected, rather than ingested. (Syringes and needles sold separately!)
  • Serums are much stronger. Their effects are more immediate. Potions take several minutes to take effect. Serums take seconds.
  • Serums go bad much quicker, and require refrigeration or freezing to extend their lifespan.
  • When serums expire, they start to lose effectiveness or gain potentially deleterious qualities.
  • Saves against Serums are at disadvantage by default, as it's harder to resist something that's already in your blood.

Source
Also, pretty legit.

Roll 4d20. 
These are what serums are available presently.

If doubles are rolled, then that serum is on sale for a discounted price (50% Off), but is "Slightly Expired".

If triples are rolled, then the recipe for that serum is being auctioned off to the highest bidder. The Witches only take objects of sincere personal attachment instead of money or other valuables. The more attachment and love an item has, the more valuable it is.

If a quadruple is rolled, then Intravenous Solutions is going out of business, and the three sisters are donating their last batches of serum. They have an entire crate (4d12 vials) of fresh serum available for the cost of a single portion.

d20
(Blank) Serum
Effects 
Duration
Derived From...
Price (gp/use)
1
Jump
Triples jump distance.
1 Hour
Strong Folk
2d10
2
Gecko
Skin secretes a slippery oil, making it easy to squeeze into tight places but difficult to hold things.
1 Hour
Obese cats.
2d10
3
Whale
Can hold breath for up to 10 minutes.
1 Hour
Unborn Mammals
2d10
4
Growth
As Enlarge. Causes Exhaustion afterwards.
1 Hour
Giants
2d10
5
Bloodhound
Subject gains potent sense of smell.
1 Hour
Chefs
3d10
6
Cure
Heals 2d4 damage.
Instant
Good Clerics
3d10
7
Hotblood
Induces a bloodthirsty rage, causing subject to charge and attack first person seen.
10 Min
Boars
3d10
8
Love
Subject falls in love with the first person seen. Effects wear off when serum expires.
1 Hour
True Lovers
4d10
9
Coldblood
Provides immunity to empathetic behaviors and emotion manipulating spells.
1 Hour
Snakes
4d10
10
Eelskin
Causes severe static shocks on touching raw skin. 10 Minute Duration.
10 Min
The Recently Criminally Executed
d10 x 10
11
Truth
Compels a state of suggestiveness. Causes Exhaustion afterwards.
1 Hour
Virgins
d10 x 10
12
Elf
Enhances the size of your eyes and makes one generally more elfish in appearance. Grants enhanced vision and a CHA bonus.
1 Hour
Elves
d10 x 10
13
Parabiotic
Reverse-ages the host by a decade. Effects temporary. Like a botox shot.
1 Day
Innocents
2d10 x 10
14
Memory
Remember everything you’ve seen or heard.
1 Hour
Librarians
2d10 x 10
15
Mimic
Subject takes on the appearance of anyone they are looking at.
1 Hour
Doppelgangers.
2d10 x 10
16
Blank Slate
Permanent memory loss from everything up to 1 Day before use.
Instant
Blackout Drunk Students
3d10 x 10
17
Eyebite
Horrid blackness fills the eyes, causing temporary forgetfulness in those who gaze upon them.
1 Min
Dark Elves
3d10 x 10
18
Mead
Grants poetic inspiration. Creative works are far easier to undertake.
1 Hour
Completely Exsanguinated Bards
3d10 x 10
19
Neutralizing
Provides potent immunological effects, curing any Diseases or Poisons, even magical ones.
Instant
Magical Crabs
d10 x 100
20
Trollblood
Regeneration - Regrows lost limbs.
10 Min
Trolls
d10 x 100

That mead-looking stuff in the upper
third of the vial, that's serum.
Source
Slightly Expired Serums are only 1d4 Days past their expiration date. For every Day beyond its expiration date there is a cumulative 10% chance of serum failure. Once a serum reaches a 100% failure rate, it becomes a Bargin Bin Serum.

Bargin Bin Serums come by the box, aren't labeled, and produce entirely random effects. It's like the discount DVD bin at the gas station, but you don't know what's inside and it carries bloodborne pathogens.

All Serums of this magical nature normally only last 3 days once they're made before they begin to expire. Refrigeration extends the time required for serums to expire to double the time (1 Week). Freezing will extend this duration up to 3 Months, but every time a sample is frozen it permanently gains a 10% failure chance.

The Sisters will also buy blood wholesale. The rarer or more interesting the blood, the more they'll offer. They will buy whole blood at the listed price for its derived serum, by the pint, but only if it's less than a Day old. (Note: a completely exsanguinated average adult male corpse will yield about 10 pints of blood. Enough for a full commercial batch of magic serum! You will need special tools to complete exsanguinate something, though. Normal methods will net you maybe 1d6 pints per corpse.)

For example, let's say you recently killed a Librarian - not judging, just saying. If you immediately drained their blood and transported it to the Sisters, they'd pay 2d10x10 gold per pint. No questions asked. Alternatively, they would offer you 1 vial of Memory Serum per pint, instead of gold. Making said serum would take 1 Day for the Sisters..

Bargin Bin / Completely Expired Serum Effects

d20
Effects
Effect Notes
1
Roll Twice
Ignore Duplicates
2
Poison
Save or Die.
3
Slow Poison
Save or Die… in 1 Hours.
4
Slower Poison
Save or Die in 10 Hours.
5
Severe Fever
Temporarily cut all stats in half.
6
Exhaustion
Accompanied by Severe Sweating and Dehydration
7
Paralysis
1 Hour, followed by stiffness.
8
Tumor Growth
50% Chance it’s benign.
9
Arcanorheumatism
Painful spell effects begin to manifest in subject’s limbs and joints, particularly the neck.
10
Hallucinations
Related to who the blood came from.
11
Reversed Effect
Best approximation.
12
Blood Infection
Bloodborne pathogens derived from wizards tend to be exceptionally deleterious.
13
Spell Loss
All prepared spell slots / magic die / spells are lost for the day.
14
Compromised Immunity
Automatically fail all Saves against Poisons and Diseases for 1 Month.
15
No Effect
16
17
18
19
20
Minor Healing
Heal 1 HP.