Sunday, December 13, 2020

Black Crater

The Black Crater is a landmark within Wizard City. It itself is the product of a magical mishap the approximate size of six city blocks. To this day, nobody is exactly sure what happened, though it has now resulted in site of pilgrimage for those visiting whispering prophecies of the Pit of Portents and/or those wanting to throw things down the bottomless pit.

The entire desolation is a spongy black-as-soot waste. Nothing grows in it. Nothing can be built on it. Anything spending inordinate amounts of time standing still in the Black Crater simply sinks into the ground at a pace of 4cm / hour. This has given rise to the speculation that the Crater is in fact a portal to another dimension, and that might be true.



There Is A(n)...

And It’s...

And On Top of That...


Mystical Vortex locally randomizing space and time.

Coming this way!

Some kids are poking at it.


Familiar giving out their master’s secrets like candy at a parade.

Minding its own damn business.

The Secret Police are keeping everyone at a distance, secretly.


Street brawl running in reverse.

Got the same physical properties as a game of freeze-tag.

The Wizard Police are here, and they’re definitely making it worse.


Thing which really shouldn’t have consciousness that has very recently obtained it.

Definitely your problem now.

Some stock brokers are already trying to cash in on the phenomenon before the markets adjust.


Plague going round. Rather quickly.

Melting! Melting! Aaaaaaah it’s melting!

Someone decided this was a great place to have a raging party.


Mathematician who is mathing way too hard.

Going to sound way dumber when people describe it later.

It’s drawing the attention of some opportunistic gangsters.


Glitch in the matrix.

Broken through the quarantine.

Some construction workers are carrying a fragile piece of glass across the street.


Big bloody orb of flesh floating mid-air.

Clearly edible.

For some reason, everyone is glowing now.


Animated Object that has illegally self-actualized.

Attacking the city!

Someone called the bomb technicians and they don’t know it’s a prank.



Slowly vaporizing.

Magical possibly-time-traveling insurance agents have come to pre-emptively assess damages.


Remarkable admonishment that there are more dimensions out there than we can perceive.

Infinitely more confused about this situation than you are.

The medieval equivalent of a school bus full of children is careening straight for it.


Fiend, Fey, Monstrocity, Undead, Elemental, Aberration, or quite possibly all of the above.

Your responsibility by some outstandingly impossible Butterfly Effect / Rube Goldberg mechanism.

There has already been a religion established to worship this particular thing… And it’s not a very nice religion.


Spot where Gravity is evidently having a time-out.

On the cusp of a groundbreaking philosophical conclusion.

Some dumb wizard is already trying to get high off of it.


Very Naked Wizard.

Chaotic Stupid

The acid rain is coming in early today.


Screaming Book.

Leaking magic like a 1982 Toyota Pickup on its last legs.

The Fire Brigade is here. Shit.



Continuously Exploding

It’s about to explode!


Adorable Puppy

Broken through the sound barrier.

An overconfident wizard is about to go apeshit on this thing.


Evil Twin.

Really, really pathetic. Really.

There’s a reward for capturing it alive.



Going to talk your head off. Possibly literally.

Magic doesn’t work for some reason!


Combination of two of the above.

(Reroll twice)

Simultaneously doing two things: (Reroll twice)

Oh look! There’s another one…

(Reroll everything an additional time)

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

The Hothouse

Not more than three stones-throws from The Low Moon in Wizard City lies the labyrinth of alleys, store fronts, and greenhouses that encompass the city's necromantic and horticultural hub. These interconnected attractions are collectively known as The Hothouse, and it is the principle base of operations of The Dead Janes.

"You want it hot, or you want it cold?", ask the gatekeepers at the neighborhood's entrances, dressed like psychopomps and smelling of romantic flowers masking embalming fluid.

If you want it HOT, the following attractions are available...

  • Madame Exuberance runs a "Body Boudoir". Don't like your present body and want to try on a few before you commit to a purchase? Privacy and client privilege is guaranteed. A variety of options are available: skinsuits, facemasks, transplants, and full-bodies. Decapitation included free with full-body purchases.
  • A sauna is available for special customers. As a connected service they'll sell you scented waters to throw on the stones which often produce 'interesting effects' when vaporized.
  • The Mangnoliodoma, an extensive greenhouse maintained meticulously by Charlie the Fox (so-called for her frequent snickering laugh), contains a variety of rare Rosa species. Most spectacular among these is the Millennium Corpse Flower, seed of the very one which famously ended the Crawmon Dynasty.

Beggar's Pricker: A parasitic bramble thorn typical in desert climates. Catches on to mammals and slowly siphons off the blood as a water and nutrient source. Produces a toxin which causes its host ignore it. Rending wounds caused by the thorns often get infected and untreated, eventually causing severe illness and death.

Dead Man's Bouquet:  A purple rose species, preferring damp cavities. If planted within the eye sockets of a fresh corpse it will bloom into the visage of the last thing the dead person saw while alive.

Lichefinger: The matured stamen of this species are needle-thin, sharp, and virtually indestructible. While historically used to make jeweler's tools, it's now most frequently used for surgery and assassination.

Killer Queen: Red petals, black stems. One prick of the thorn contains enough neurotoxin to put the unfortunate person into a semi-permanent coma. They say true love's kiss will dispel it, but that's a villainously-crafted lie. Very convenient for preserving bodies and luring rivals' true loves.

Widowguard: Black rose crossed with strangling vines. The roots will worm its way into nearby muscular-skeletal structures and animate them for its own defense. Capable of delivering strong pulses of electricity like a jellyfish.

If you want it COLD...

  • Frankie oversees the organ market. The entire alley is cold as ice, and everything from spare limbs, livers, hearts, spleens, kidneys, to extra eyes can be bought and bartered. Don't worry, they finance!
  • Adjacent lies Whole Bodies: your one-stop shop for healthy skeletons and zombies. Their signature product is Rose Water - which is in fact rose-scented formalin (not for living consumption!).
  • The Slab can get you all the mob-doctoring you'd need, at the pleasure of Dwight Rightwight. He isn't a doctor, or even really a man. They take bodies in place of hard currency, no questions asked.

If you want it SMELLING LIKE A ROSE...
  • Fiona the Clean sells anonymized bodies by the bushel. All ID removed: fingerprints, teeth, eyes, tattoos, and scars. Animation comes at additional fees. Prices are criminal.
  • Wet Sally will personally dissolve, absorb, or turn into fertilizer anything provided its modestly organic. Unless it's particularly hot (drawing secret police attention) she'll do it for free, too.