Indefinite Train Hobo Table

My idea for Skerples' Indefinite Train Project is a car full of hobos. A place to talk to some vagrants, replace any lost characters, or maybe take on a companion. It mostly just devolves into this 20x6 table, though, so I'll post it here before doing all the finicky formatting stuff for submitting the car.

Source

HOW WE ROLL:
1d20, read left to right
OR
6d20, roll 'em all at once. Read your d20s left to right.
OR
Throw a bunch of dice onto the table. Where they land, use that entry. As many as you'd like per column.

Example: A Fallen Doctor and a Master of the Cut, had they a blade... Carrying nothing but pure hatred in a fanny pack. Why are they on the Train? Filthy work.

d20	A(n)...	+	And a...	Carrying Nothing But...	In a..	Why Are They On the Train?
1	Slimy	Princeling	Giant among giants	A bundle of rye	Bindle made of mother-woven cloth	Just work.
2	Flea-Ridden	Doctor	Zen-zerker, tranquille and elated	A grooming kit and nothing else	Fanny pack	Honest work.
3	Misbegotten	Tax Collector	Preacher to boot, oh Lord...	22 ounces of Jack	Bottle of green glass	Mercenary’s work.
4	Poor Man’s	Soldier	Mob doctor	A Family photo	Secret beard pouch	Dishonest work.
5	Fugitive	Miner	Cheat	An invalidated passport	Pocket full of holes	Easy work.
6	Fallen	Farmhand	Couple stray cats	A swaddled babe	Story they’ll frequently tell	Proselytizing work.
7	Arrogant	Fool	Beetleman, man-sized beet red.	A mean temper	Hand-me-down purse	Psychic work
8	Slain	Angel	Master of the Cut, had they a blade...	Knucklebone gambling dice	Folded wet napkin	Filthy work
9	Mud-Covered	Demon	King among vagrants	A red ribbon	Faded scroll case	Casual work
10	Not Even Dirt Poor	Jester	Secret soulfisher	A writ of protection	Unpolished heart locker	Secret work
11	Drug-Addicted	Noble	Ventriloquist King	A single spell	Saggy pointed hat	Prostitution
12	Mad	Refugee	Faceless Thing	A diminutive mouse	Pair of worn-through shoes	Exiled for high crimes.
13	Wounded	Writer	Peddler of False Truths	A rattling set of loose teeth	Dog skull	Just Wandering
14	Frightened	Dog	Hungry tumor	A sharp rusty knife	Cooking pot	Looking for someone particular
15	Superstitious	Lawman	Parasitic Personality	A dubious bachelor’s degree	Hollow bible	To complete their thesis
16	Amputated	Doctor	Loose cannon	Disfiguring scars	Strung-out straw doll	To find a doctor
17	Heartbroken	Drunkard	Tempered, outlawed militiaman	Pure hatred	Doctor’s bag	To test their mettle
18	Chameleonic	Lawyer	Purveyor of the ONE TRUE SCIENCE	An axe to grind	Heavy briefcase	Spiritual journey
19	Schizophrenic	Student	Butcher Girl	A Train Ticket	Unbloomed flower bulb	On the run.
20	Drunk	Knight	Slanderous Virus	The Fate of a Galaxy	Cigarette case	To make friends

Abjuration

Illusion, Necromancy, and Enchantment felt like some of D&D's biggest missed opportunities. Abjuration, Evocation, Divination and Conjuration a little less so. Still, I've run out of blogging topics, so might as well finish this list. Abjuration spells cantrip to nine gooooooo!

Illusion

Enchantment

Necromancy

Abjuration magic is tricky. First impressions leave it as a pretty bland school. But glancing over the themes I think there's something to work with. You've got:

1. Boring protective magic.
2. Extradimensional sanctuaries
3. Locking/Unlocking stuff
4. Counterspelling/Dispelling
5. A few outliers, like glyphs

The biggest thing I'll chime in on are two things:
- Treat body as a home regarding abjuration.
- Abjuration applies to metaphysical forces as well as physical.

Sycophanty

Abjuration, Cantrip

Range: Self

Saving Throw: None

Duration: 10 minutes (concentration)

Component: S, V

You protect yourself from all unwanted language, criticism, insults, bad news, or any other speech or noises which may disrupt your fragile ego. While the cantrip is active, anything you may not want to hear is instead converted in the brain to more soothing, yes-man like language.

While this effect is active, you are immune to fear, but you automatically fail saves against charm effects.

Examples:
"Go f--- yourself!" --> "You are a perfectly adequate person, and I am very insecure!"
"Whatever you say, thunder-thighs." --> "I'm too tired and wrong to argue with you. Also I wish I had your body."
"This plan is idiotic! We're all going to die!" --> "Brilliant stratagem, sir! We'll give them a good thrashing!"
"I'm going to eat you." --> "I'm sure you taste delicious."

((Okay okay, I know this is more illusion-y/enchant-y than abjuration, but it was too much fun to include on the list.))

Remove Doubt

Abjuration, 1st Level

Range: 60ft
Cast Time: 1 Action

Saving Throw: Charisma

Duration: Instantaneous

Component: S, V

Voluntarily, or on failed Save, the target loses all doubt regarding present course of action. This can mechanically manifest as several ways. Target:
- stops deliberating, must pick course of action now, no matter how rash.
- if Feared, maximizes the duration of the Fear condition.
- feels no guilt about present actions.

Upcasting this increases the Save DC by 2 for each spell level above one.

Magician's Bodybag

Abjuration, 2nd Level

Range: Touch

Saving Throw: Dexterity

Duration: 2 Minutes (concentration)

Component: S, V, M (a sack with an opening no larger than 1ft)

As an action, you open up a sack and swallow up an extremity, whisking it off to an extra-dimensional space temporarily. Things larger than a foot in diameter cannot be swallowed. For the duration, the extremity is safely sequestered in a pocket dimension and cannot be harmed. The extremity can still be felt.

Every round while this spell is being concentrated on, you may similarly use an action for this spell.

If you are trying to use this spell on an enemy, they are entitled to a Dexterity Saving Throw with Advantage to avoid its effects. If the bag used in the spell breaks, all extremities are returned to their bodies. You may only snatch up an entire body like a giant snake if the creature is Small size and Incapacitated/Restrained/Paralyzed, or Tiny and smaller.

For all limbs, snatching up that limb prevents its use. For heads, the target is blinded, but not deafened (they can still hear through the sack). For other things, best leave it to the GM.

Plenty of shenanigans to be had.

Misspell Magic

Abjuration, Level 3

Range: 60ft

Saving Throw: None

Duration: Instantaneous

Component: S, V, M (a writing utensil)

As a reaction, you may change the effect of a spell by changing the name of the spell. The new spell effect, to be determined by the GM, will have equivalently the same magnitude of power as the original, but with the new effect. The new spell title must be a correctly spelled.

((As a general GMing rule, the more inane and specific the new spell title is (i.e. Disguise Shelf), the more effective it is in situations that match its specificity. The more overpowered the spell title sounds (i.e. Hideous Slaughter), the more restrained the effect. As another GMing rule, it's recommended that complete nullification of the spell's effectiveness be avoided, lest this version overpower Counterspell.))

Casting this at level 3 gives you one modification to the spell name. You may:
- Add one letter
- Remove one letter
- Change one letter
- Adding or removing spaces/capitalizations are free

For every spell level above 3, you get one additional modification.

((Takin' it all the way back to the Paromancers with this one.))

Lock Memory

Abjuration, 4th Level

Range: Touch

Saving Throw: Intellect

Duration: Permanent

Component: S, V, M (a brass key)

You lock away a particular memory, sealing it until certain conditions are met. These conditions may not be impossible. They may be suggested by the player but the DM gets veto power. Evidence of locked memories may be discovered by Detect Magic. Hints to the unlocking condition may be obtained by Legend Lore. Dispel Magic momentarily suppresses the spell for but an instant, giving the subject a brief glimpse at the locked memory.

Multiple instances of this spell may be cast on a person. The caster may voluntarily fail their own save.

Example Conditions:

- Subject's 18th birthday

- When subject finds an image of a loved one

- When the code phrase is spoken

- On the day of the subject's marriage

- On the subject's deathbed

Heart Locker

Abjuration, 5th Level

Range: Touch

Saving Throw: Constitution

Duration: Until Ended

Component: S, V, M (a living heart, a locker of mahogany and ruby worth 1000gp)

You reach into a person's chest and remove their beating heart, placing it into the locker of mahogany and ruby. While the heart remains in the locker, the object of the spell is immune to all heart injuries, and is incapable of feeling or expressing love in any way. Cruelty will take their body, and they will be immune to all Charm effects or wounds of the heart, both literal and metaphysical.

You may perform this on yourself, or a willing creature without save. While the heart remains in the locker, it still beats as if it were alive. If the locker is opened, and the heart wounded or destroyed, the object of the spell will die instantly.

Protection from Suitors

Abjuration, 6th Level

Range: Touch

Saving Throw: Charisma

Duration: 1 Month

Component: S, V, M (a needle, an orange, and living mouse)

For the duration, the target gains the following benefits against suitors:

+4 AC
Immune to Charm/Domination/Possession effects
Immune to Curses
Advantage on All Saves
Prevents all physical contact (not weapon attacks)

Suitors with a Charisma or Intelligence higher than the caster's Wisdom ignore all Advantage effects, convert the immunities to Advantage From, and reduce the AC bonus to +2.

(If I were you, I'd interpret 'suitors' very liberally)
(This spell can be altered to fit a variety of social relations: Siblings, Moochers, Sycophants, Royalty, Children, Thieves, etc.)

They'll never see it coming.

Faithful Counselor

Abjuration, Level 7th Level

Range: 5ft

Saving Throw: None

Duration: 10 Minutes

Component: S, V, M (500gp, which is consumed)

You summon an invisible counselor within 5ft. It follows you about. For the duration, it will provide discrete counsel on all matters political, diplomatic, and law. The counselor cannot be touched - it is incorporeal, and it can both speak in any languages you know. It communicates by whispering in your ear, and is familiar with the following knowledge, attuned to the land in which you currently occupy:

- All laws and official protocols.
- All names, titles, epithets, genealogies, relations, and official ranks of all people of note.
- Any and all interactions with anyone you've had personally, with perfect memory.

In addition, if anybody whispers or mumbles in your presence, the counselor will repeat the words into your ear clearly. The Counselor can read your thoughts, and if you're about to do or say something illegal or make a faux pas, it will inform you before you make the decision.

If two people with Faithful Counselor active come within 5ft of each other, both Counselors will instantly annihilate. This will not become immediately known to the caster. It will merely register as silence. Faithful Counselors cannot speak in a Silence. Faithful Counselors can relay other Faithful Counselors' whispers. Upcasting this spell increases the duration: 1 hour for 8th level, and 24 hours for 9th level.

Null Zone

Abjuration, 8th Level

Range: Touch
Cast Time: 1 Minute (Ritual)

Saving Throw: Wisdom

Duration: 10 Minutes (concentration)

Component: S, V

You designate a circle on the ground no more than 10ft in radius. For all purposes, this space no longer exists for the duration of the spell to anyone but you. Reality folds together to accommodate this hole, and things (besides you) entering one side of the circle will exit on the opposite side.

Anything else within the circle when casting is finished remains as so. Once outside, any object or person cannot return to inside the circle for the duration.

Magic, both divine and arcane, does not function within the circle. Nothing can leave the circle once it's inside it. It is a godless place. Any acts committed within will not count as sin. Nobody can hear or see you within. It is the only place where truly nobody is watching or listening.

Gambit

Abjuration, 9th Level

Range: Self

Saving Throw: None

Duration: Instantaneous

Component: S, V

As an action, you cast a spell and make a prediction for an effect to happen upon your person by an enemy force in exactly 6 seconds (1 round from now). If this predicted effect happens, then you are completely immune to that effect, and all subsequent instances of that same effect from that source for three Rounds.

For instance, if you predict that the Beholder will use its Paralyzing Ray on you next round, and then it happens, then you are immune to the ray's effects on that round and for three subsequent rounds from that particular Beholder. If you predict Death will cast Finger of Death (which he always does), then maybe you've gotten yourself three Rounds of freedom before he begins pursuit.

This spell won't save you from self-inflicted actions.

d100 - What Happened This Semester

Silly straight-forward post today: what happened to you, oh wizard student, over the semester? Roll d100 maybe two or three times.

The longer the list got, the lazier I got, so instead of 100 unique entries, we got hierarchical structures. My recommendation is to take it apart and reassemble to whatever your cruel, shriveled heart requires.

d100	What Happened This Semester..
1.	The professor never showed up for lecture, and all attempts to contact them have failed.
2.	A student 'accidentally' summoned a minor demon in a place they shouldn't have. Now The Janitors are involved with the class.
3.	You got straight up A+'s. You never get A+'s. Something's weird.
4.	Committee Meeting. Doesn't even matter if you aren't a graduate student.
5.	A mysterious stranger dressed in a wide-brimmed hat offers you a job after graduation. You just need to take the 'Esoteric Appendices' class (which nobody takes) next semester, and offer up a thumb.
6.	Entire class-year dismissed on orders from The Dean.
7.	Found money on the street. 1d4 Spellgold. Its… (1d2) 1. Not even cursed! Nice! 2. Cursed.
8.	You got robbed. But by whom? (d6) 1. Other students 2. Wizard Gang 3. Hungry Mo-RONs 4. Rogue professors 5. Those assholes at the League of Evil 6. Yourself.
9.	Snagged a free meal at... (d6) 1. Le Restaurant Tranquille. In three days. You get one shot. 2. Shotgun Pete's Exploding Ribs and Sliders 3. The Cafeteria of Screams 4. Brainbrews 5. B/X Breakfast Pavilion* 6. The Morgue... But why?
10.	Receive inheritance. 1d20x2 Spellgold
11-30.	Found an issue of The Waking Eye! Dossier on… (d12) 1. The Janitors 2. The Committee 3. The High Modernist Society 4. The Keepers of True Time 5. The Waking Eye, Itself 6. The Generous Hand 7. Church of the Spoon 8. Omicron Delta Theta 9. Order of the Nine Eyes 10. The Hypermath Cult 11. The Black-Robed Man 12. The Providence Men With future plans for… (d10) 1. Edging out a rival 2. Infiltration of another cult 3. The Mo-RON population. 4. Bloody murder most foul 5. Time shenanigans 6. Monopoly 7. Things that already happened (this issue is past its expiration date) 8. Tipping The Market 9. Summoning something much worse. 10. Doing nothing… But nobody actively does nothing without reason. And it involves… (d8) 1. Your closest professor 2. President of student union 3. An Archmage 4. Wanted criminal student activist 5. A wizard gang 6. The Dean 7. The Student Body (the body made of students from the bodies of students that the Anatomy Department keeps, not all students in aggregate) 8. Everyone.
31-40.	Found a dead body! It’s… (d12) 1. The Dean 2. A Janitor 3. That student nobody really noticed or cared about 4. The student everybody noticed and cared about 5. A Mo-RON. Wait… That’s not a special occurrence! 6. Yourself? Oh shit. 7. Yourself, but much older. Crap. 8. Coming to get you. 9. Speaking. Relaying a message. 10. Infested with something horrible and contagious. 11. Tuesday. Nothing special. 12. Trying to sell you something.
41-50.	Classroom Complications. (d20) 1. Your professor now hates you. 2. Your grades are suffering 3. Your professor is attracted to you. 4. Final project is late. 5. Violating copyright law 6. Experimental catastrophe 7. Crippling injury 8. Gained madness 9. Professor gained madness 10. Entire class except you gained madness. 11. Run out of funds 12. Finished all classwork early. 13. Murder most foul. Entire class implicated. 14. Impossible work required. 15. Experimental subjects went missing 16. Textbooks are horribly outdated. 17. Classroom now has permanent portal to horrible netherworld. Classes still held. 18. Class quarantined, will be monitored for foreseeable future. 19. Everyone in class has swapped dreams 20. Professor cannot speak Common language anymore. Forced to use the harsh language of beatings.
51-60.	Caught someone’s eye… (d10) 1. The hobo who sits outside the chem building. 2. Your professor 3. The Dean. Oh God, The Dean… 4. A spider Mo-RON, what does it want? 5. ...who is spontaneously materializing in your lunch. 6. ...with your face. It was going around 20mph. 7. ... that is following your every movement. 8. A graduate student with a degree in Torture. 9. Bodypart procurer. 10. Wizard Gang leader.
61-65.	Student Loan Officer is coming for your… (d10) 1. Molars 2. Fingernails 3. Heels 4. Corneas 5. Rusty coins 6. Pocket lint 7. Memories 8. Love 9. Entire Body (enjoy being a Mo-RON!) 10. Fresh brain
66-70.	Rent’s due again, but you already paid. Why? (d10) 1. You paid a doppelganger 2. Time shenanigans. Fucking hell. 3. Wizard Gang extorting landlord. 4. Wizard Gang IS landlord. 5. Need to pay the ghost too 6. Money was counterfeit 7. A spellshark ate it. Literally? Maybe. 8. The rent ran away. 9. Rent tax 10. Compound interest
71-75.	You’ve gotten an award for… (d6) 1. “Excellence in Aerodynamics.” Award is trapped with anti-grav trigger. 2. “Good Brain Size” 3. “Being Good With The Thing” 4. “Least Troubling Pupil” 5. “Most Likely to be Thrown Into Future” 6. “Mediocrity in Intransigence”
76-85.	Complications with Experiments… (d12) 1. Your shadow works 3 seconds ahead of you in time. 2. Gained a new limb 3. Gained another eye in weird place. 4. Grown 2d6 inches. 5. Shrunk 2d6 inches. 6. Books slam shut in your presence. 7. Number-Dyslexia 8. Portraits’ eyes now watch you wherever you go. 9. A parasitic moss grows on the soles of your feet. 10. You can only count backwards now 11. Can read thoughts of people you’re touching 12. Must now shout every fourteenth word
86-90.	Unintended discovery: (d12) 1. A new number 2. Alternative pain medication 3. Thing which can be used as substitute eye 4. New esoteric language 5. Mutant common insect 6. Mutant common rodent 7. Secret personal library 8. Hidden street 9. Super special secret street food cart 10. Magical body piercing vendor 11. Portal between buildings 12. Extradimensional nap hall
91-100.	You made a friend! (d20) 1. Stray cat 2. Stray raccoon 3. Stray graduate student 4. Your worst/harshest professor 5. Very emotional Mo-RON 6. Broke wizard gangster 7. Baby who is clearly older than appearance 8. Other wizard’s familiar 9. One-eyed hobo who lives in the garbage 10. Pile of sentient medical waste 11. Polite Cronenberg monstrosity 12. Rival’s shadow 13. Your own arm, which has gained a peculiar sentience 14. Mouse which lives in magic hats only 15. Living floating lab coat 16. Strangely enticing lampshade 17. Soul-handsy demon 18. Broken clock salesman 19. A Janitor 20. One of those screaming books

*Thank you Anomalous Subsurface Environment!