Monday, April 29, 2019

d100 - What Happened This Semester

Silly straight-forward post today: what happened to you, oh wizard student, over the semester? Roll d100 maybe two or three times.

The longer the list got, the lazier I got, so instead of 100 unique entries, we got hierarchical structures. My recommendation is to take it apart and reassemble to whatever your cruel, shriveled heart requires.

What Happened This Semester..
The professor never showed up for lecture, and all attempts to contact them have failed.
A student 'accidentally' summoned a minor demon in a place they shouldn't have. Now The Janitors are involved with the class.
You got straight up A+'s. You never get A+'s. Something's weird.
Committee Meeting. Doesn't even matter if you aren't a graduate student.
A mysterious stranger dressed in a wide-brimmed hat offers you a job after graduation. You just need to take the 'Esoteric Appendices' class (which nobody takes) next semester, and offer up a thumb.
Entire class-year dismissed on orders from The Dean.
Found money on the street. 1d4 Spellgold. Its… (1d2)
1. Not even cursed! Nice!
2. Cursed.
You got robbed. But by whom? (d6)
1. Other students
2. Wizard Gang
3. Hungry Mo-RONs
4. Rogue professors
5. Those assholes at the League of Evil
6. Yourself.
Snagged a free meal at... (d6)
1. Le Restaurant Tranquille. In three days. You get one shot.
2. Shotgun Pete's Exploding Ribs and Sliders
3. The Cafeteria of Screams
4. Brainbrews
5. B/X Breakfast Pavilion*
6. The Morgue... But why?
Receive inheritance. 1d20x2 Spellgold
Found an issue of The Waking Eye!

Dossier on… (d12)
1. The Janitors
2. The Committee
3. The High Modernist Society
4. The Keepers of True Time
5. The Waking Eye, Itself
6. The Generous Hand
7. Church of the Spoon
8. Omicron Delta Theta
9. Order of the Nine Eyes
10. The Hypermath Cult
11. The Black-Robed Man
12. The Providence Men

With future plans for… (d10)
1. Edging out a rival
2. Infiltration of another cult
3. The Mo-RON population.
4. Bloody murder most foul
5. Time shenanigans
6. Monopoly
7. Things that already happened (this issue is past its expiration date)
8. Tipping The Market
9. Summoning something much worse.
10. Doing nothing… But nobody actively does nothing without reason.

And it involves… (d8)
1. Your closest professor
2. President of student union
3. An Archmage
4. Wanted criminal student activist
5. A wizard gang
6. The Dean
7. The Student Body (the body made of students from the bodies of students that the Anatomy Department keeps, not all students in aggregate)
8. Everyone.
Found a dead body! It’s… (d12)
1. The Dean
2. A Janitor
3. That student nobody really noticed or cared about
4. The student everybody noticed and cared about
5. A Mo-RON. Wait… That’s not a special occurrence!
6. Yourself? Oh shit.
7. Yourself, but much older. Crap.
8. Coming to get you.
9. Speaking. Relaying a message.
10. Infested with something horrible and contagious.
11. Tuesday. Nothing special.
12. Trying to sell you something.
Classroom Complications. (d20)
1. Your professor now hates you.
2. Your grades are suffering
3. Your professor is attracted to you.
4. Final project is late.
5. Violating copyright law
6. Experimental catastrophe
7. Crippling injury
8. Gained madness
9. Professor gained madness
10. Entire class except you gained madness.
11. Run out of funds
12. Finished all classwork early.
13. Murder most foul. Entire class implicated.
14. Impossible work required.
15. Experimental subjects went missing
16. Textbooks are horribly outdated.
17. Classroom now has permanent portal to horrible netherworld. Classes still held.
18. Class quarantined, will be monitored for foreseeable future.
19. Everyone in class has swapped dreams
20. Professor cannot speak Common language anymore. Forced to use the harsh language of beatings.
Caught someone’s eye… (d10)
1. The hobo who sits outside the chem building.
2. Your professor
3. The Dean. Oh God, The Dean…
4. A spider Mo-RON, what does it want?
5. ...who is spontaneously materializing in your lunch.
6. ...with your face. It was going around 20mph.
7. ... that is following your every movement.
8. A graduate student with a degree in Torture.
9. Bodypart procurer.
10. Wizard Gang leader.
Student Loan Officer is coming for your… (d10)
1. Molars
2. Fingernails
3. Heels
4. Corneas
5. Rusty coins
6. Pocket lint
7. Memories
8. Love
9. Entire Body (enjoy being a Mo-RON!)
10. Fresh brain
Rent’s due again, but you already paid. Why? (d10)
1. You paid a doppelganger
2. Time shenanigans. Fucking hell.
3. Wizard Gang extorting landlord.
4. Wizard Gang IS landlord.
5. Need to pay the ghost too
6. Money was counterfeit
7. A spellshark ate it. Literally? Maybe.
8. The rent ran away.
9. Rent tax
10. Compound interest
You’ve gotten an award for… (d6)
1. “Excellence in Aerodynamics.” Award is trapped with anti-grav trigger.
2. “Good Brain Size”
3. “Being Good With The Thing”
4. “Least Troubling Pupil”
5. “Most Likely to be Thrown Into Future”
6. “Mediocrity in Intransigence”
Complications with Experiments… (d12)
1. Your shadow works 3 seconds ahead of you in time.
2. Gained a new limb
3. Gained another eye in weird place.
4. Grown 2d6 inches.
5. Shrunk 2d6 inches.
6. Books slam shut in your presence.
7. Number-Dyslexia
8. Portraits’ eyes now watch you wherever you go.
9. A parasitic moss grows on the soles of your feet.
10. You can only count backwards now
11. Can read thoughts of people you’re touching
12. Must now shout every fourteenth word
Unintended discovery: (d12)
1. A new number
2. Alternative pain medication
3. Thing which can be used as substitute eye
4. New esoteric language
5. Mutant common insect
6. Mutant common rodent
7. Secret personal library
8. Hidden street
9. Super special secret street food cart
10. Magical body piercing vendor
11. Portal between buildings
12. Extradimensional nap hall
You made a friend! (d20)
1. Stray cat
2. Stray raccoon
3. Stray graduate student
4. Your worst/harshest professor
5. Very emotional Mo-RON
6. Broke wizard gangster
7. Baby who is clearly older than appearance
8. Other wizard’s familiar
9. One-eyed hobo who lives in the garbage
10. Pile of sentient medical waste
11. Polite Cronenberg monstrosity
12. Rival’s shadow
13. Your own arm, which has gained a peculiar sentience
14. Mouse which lives in magic hats only
15. Living floating lab coat
16. Strangely enticing lampshade
17. Soul-handsy demon
18. Broken clock salesman
19. A Janitor
20. One of those screaming books

*Thank you Anomalous Subsurface Environment!


  1. Why does this cause a great resonance inside me?

    1. Because rent-stealing ghost bullies are a wizard's #1 unreported problem!

  2. Dammit wizard gang landlords!

  3. LOVE this. I linked folks here this week on my blog and podcast. Turns out my only friend this semester was a raccoon...