Who Waits Outside The Dungeon?

I swear, I've seen a table like this, but for the life of me I can't remember where. If you feel like doing me a solid, shoot a link down in the comments to similar lists.

WHO'S WAITING JUST OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON DOOR?

d30	Who?	Why?	How?	What?!
1	Dirty Beggar	Best chance for generous coin	Approaching for awkward conversation	Mumbles everything.
2	Naive Student	To complete their thesis.	Waiting patiently in full view of the exit.	They were planning on going in alone, vastly unprepared. Not nearly as scared as they should be. Knows a few cantrips.
3	Food Merchant	Because everyone deserves iced cream [sic] after a dungeon!	Food cart parked outside. The wonderful smell wafts into the dungeon.	Festival prices. Chance that food smell will lure any predators out of dungeon.
4	Cartographer	Buying / Selling maps	Scribbling, surveying, humming to himself while sitting on a rock/log.	If there are any other entrances/exits to the dungeon, even if they’re hidden, they know about them. Honest prices for information.
5	Meat Merchant	“Buying fresh meats…”	“Fresh” meat cart, piled with a body or two. Flies buzzing about it. Did one of those bodies just move?	“Exotic sums for exotic meats.” Has types of currency that should be well beyond his means (occultum, spellgold, wish-coins), hidden who knows where.
6	Jeweler	The rawest gems have the most potential.	One big empty sack for rocks and one big sack a quarter-full of identifying equipment.	Can Identify on the side, fees are way too cheap, because: 1. They’re bad at it. 2. It’s cheap, but you must buy a gem, too. 3. They sell the knowledge of who has what magic item to local thugs. 4. They’re just a generous dope.
7	Dung Farmer	Because even dungeon poop has value.	Smelling like a freshly fertilized field, covered in gods-know-what. Leaning on a shovel.	You wouldn’t believe how much money this guy is willing to shell out for exotic shit. You wouldn’t believe how much he sells it for, either.
8	Pickers	Gotta go to the source for the best deals!	Pair of folksy-looking fellahs uncomfortably chipper and friendly.	Prepare for haggling. They’ll try bundling (junk with valuable stuff), and leaving their contact information if nothing’s sold.
9	Sheriff	Chances are that something illegal happened in dungeon.	On a horse, armed, accompanied by only a single deputy, the idealistic fool.	Will interrogate people emerging from the dungeon. Asking about illegal activity within. Will try to confiscate any illegal goods.
10	Dungeon Dog!	HE NED FREND	Just comes running happily right on up.	Free dog companion - will sacrifice itself to take the next hit that someone in the party would take.
11	Dungeon Duckling	Just got born. Abandoned by mother.	Imprints on first person emerging from dungeon	Will eventually grow into the loyal and dangerous Dungeon Swan - a mighty and fearsome companion.
12	Mushroom Man	Wants to decompose all the bodies	Embedded inconspicuously on entrance wall. Will run in after party leaves.	If you ignore this chap, expect a bunch of mushroom men the next time you enter the dungeon.
13	Spy	Dungeon business is noble’s business.	Concealment from a distance. They’re only observing.	If somehow caught, will lie about intentions. Any pressure and they’ll spill it all (who they work for, what they’re doing, and why.)
14	Greedy Doctor	One can provide notoriously high markup for the desperate.	Dressed in setting-appropriate scrubs, tools in bag aren’t the cleanest.	10% chance of bad medicine or infection. Every single item, from tools to bandages, comes a la carte.
15	Undertaker	Somebody needs to take care of the bodies.	He’ll work for cheap.	He won’t say any prayers for the dead, though. You’ll need a cleric for that.
16	Friendly Adventuring Party	Heading into dungeon after you.	With fresh bodies and spirits. They may even be helpful.	If you’re at all friendly back, they may provide assistance in the future, either in or before entering the dungeon, providing combat help or supplies (water, anti-toxin, etc.)
17	Rival Adventuring Party	“Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.”	Ambush at the dungeon exit: show of force, possibly followed by violence.	If the Party approached the dungeon by brute force, R.A.P. approached by diplomacy. Vice versa. They try to make it seem like the better option - it may well be worse.
18	Bandits	Adventurers, dangerous though they are, can carry up to a year’s loot.	Ambush at the entrance, hidden from view. Split the party down the middle by trap or force. Pick off the weaker half.	Whatever’s in the dungeon, they’re scared of it. They’re superstitious, and will scatter at any non-human threat.
19	Porter	Good money to be made carrying stuff back from the dungeon.	Packs, straps, and little else.	The heavier the load, the more he’ll charge.
20	Wizard	Some horrible wizard shit, to be sure.	You know a wizard when you see one...	He is doing right now: 1. Mustering horrid minions to assault the dungeon. 2. Fiddling with Superscience. 3. Arguing with some mercenaries. 4. Resting, readying spells. Vulnerable!
21	Hatter	You’d be surprised how many people emerging from dungeons want to buy hats.	They wear the entire stock balanced and stacked atop their head.	Maybe they’re just a little crazy? Hatter and all that. At least one of those hats is magical.
22	Noble	Now that the dungeon is safe, this one can safely enforce their claim.	Proudly atop a horse, house banner whipping in the wind, present with knights or other hired ilk.	As long as you don’t lay claim to this dungeon, its surrounding landscape, or the tax-levied portion of goods obtained within, you’re free to go.
23	Suitor / Maiden	Mystic told them that they’d find true love/the one they’d marry at the entrance to this dungeon.	Dressed for a wedding. Naturally drawn to the highest CHA member of the party.	They will propose marriage on the spot, provided things aren’t immediately dangerous.
24	Orphan + Troll	“Pay da toll or get da troll.” Extortion or trollfeed, plain and simple.	A vicious orphan-child in rags, and their stoic troll companion.	The orphan doesn’t know the value of things. Things a child would like get an instant pass. You get three attempts before the orphan runs out of patience and sics the troll on you.
25	Priest	To save souls, of course!	Dressed in priestly attire, approaching without fear.	Will consecrate the dead, and provide blessings to those found to be in service of Law.
26	Mercenary	To trade service for coin. Will provide escort, or muscle for return journeys.	Dressed to kill, alone, leaning against a tree or rock.	Decent price for one-time gig. Retainer fee kind of pricey. Knows what they’re doing. Level 1-2 Fighter. Decent Morale.
27	Pimp	Taking the goods right to the customer, before any competitors get a shot.	They’ve got a pimp wagon and everything. Holy shit.	The logistics of this feat are mind-boggling. How did this guy drag a pimp-wagon full of complaining hookers all the way to this dungeon? How did he protect them? How did he convince them? How?!
28	Waterboy	Dungeoning is hard work. Somebody’s gotta provide relief.	Got every comfort a returning party needs stacked on his shoulders: water, towels, lanterns, praise.	A standard fee gets you the whole package. He’ll even carry your bloodstained clothes! This is a deal. Why isn’t this service provided at every dungeon?!
29	Butler	When the Waterboy isn’t enough.	Dressed as a butler would be, poised to ease your every problem.	Basically, the Waterboy but more comprehensive and much more expensive. Can take care of virtually any problem one might have while exiting a dungeon. Very capable.
30	Goat	???	Like an ordinary goat, doing goat things.	Why is it here? What is its purpose? Is it tasty? Random mystery goat!

The White Tower

I wanted to revisit the Forest of Fences (and the follow-up post), largely because I want to toy around with Depth mechanics (a la Ynn, Made In Abyss, etc.). And, because a certain popular HBO miniseries has given me the rare fit of inspiration. First, the concept post. Then the nitty gritty TBD.

Source

Ask The Elf: "Why do men seek The White Tower?"
He will reply, rhetorically: "Why do men seek towers? Or why do men seek this one?"
Ask again: "Why that one?"
Reply: "The answer to both is the same."
"And that is?"
"I am not a man. I cannot know."

~~~~~

Within the Forest of Fences lies a white tower. One sees it miles away, catching the sun like a beacon. It refracts like a lighthouse at sunset - calling the adventurous, beckoning with promise of power and riches. 'What marvels might the Tower hold?' say they, unknowing of the danger. 'What treasures might be found among the ruins of the sarcophagus at the Tower's feet?'

The treasures are all cursed. The lands around the Tower are a wild and cursed as well.

Cursed with the disease-not-seen. It's contagious. It kills everything it touches, and everything that touches the touched. It does not do this immediately. It can take days, weeks, or even many years to manifest, but all those who venture to the Tower and return alive eventually succumb to the curse. Their insides are eaten away bit by bit and they will never know why. Sometimes it effects even those near the Cursed - children in particular. The Elves know why, but they won't tell. They would rather have the subject be taboo than a known risk.

There are no predators in the lands around the Tower, at least not for men. There is risk of injury, to be sure, but there are no monsters. Unless, that is, you bring them with you.

Then why? Why go to the Tower, knowing the risk? Well...

Perhaps you don't know the risk. Perhaps cursed objects still sell well. Perhaps the demons of curiosity usher you hence. Perhaps there's something, or someone, there that you want.
Perhaps you cannot un-hear the call of the White Tower. Not until you see the madness at its depths.

Though strange sights surround the White Tower.
Source

No hostile monsters whatsoever. Maybe hostile people - scavengers like you. Perhaps the errant natural trap here and there. The main threat is the Curse. The closer you get to the White Tower, the worse the Curse gets. The DM should never explain the Curse's mechanics, only telegraph through encounters and the environment that things are getting worse.

The area is divided up into zones, based on proximity to the tower (roughly, following topography and such). Several locations are keyed to each Zone, each one working as a kind of subsetting Depth. All navigation is done in terms of the White Tower. Do you approach the tower? Do you retreat from it? Any other movement, tangential or otherwise, keeps you in the same zone.

Zone Level	The Environment	Encounters	Salvage/Loot Found Within	Maximum Lifespan*
1 - Red	Old riverbeds and scavenger paths. The Curse around the former far worse than the latter.	Curse Merchants, Scavengers, Normal Wilderness Encounters**	What Washes Downstream, Little Else	10,000 Years
2 - Orange	Ancient towns long picked clean. Fields and woods. Old Elf-roads and hidden villages.	Scavengers, The Elf, Forsaken Living Trees	Elven Trinkets, Weapons, Trade Goods	1d4 x 1000 Years
3 - Yellow	Ruins taller than trees, living spaces, great punctured cubes sagging with age.	Scavengers, The Elf, Wolf-dogs	Yes/No Curse Detectors, Children’s Toys, Jewelry, Rare Metals, Cursed Advanced Medicine	1d4 x 100 Years
4 - Green	Young Forests, lush with green in spite of the Curse. Strange creatures thrive here. Nothing grows old.	Scavengers, The Elf, Majestic Watchers, Intelligent Insects, Marsupials, Pygmy Boars	Rare Beasts, Cursed Seeds, Dead Salvagers, Buried Salvager Caches	1d4 x 10 Years
5 - Blue	Industrial Ruin, a concrete jungle littered with ancient machinery. Fences lattice the ruin like siege trenches.	Scavengers, The Elf, Cleaning Engines, Fences	Heavy Machinery, Low-Capacity Curse Detectors, Ancient Fuel	1d4 Years
6 - Indigo	The Outer Sarcophagus - a tomb for ancient armies. Meticulously clean, except where intruders have tread.	Rare / Dangerous / Curse-laden Scavengers	Automatic Firearms, Grenades, Body Armor, (Cursed) Curse-Protected Suits, Ultra-batteries	2d4 Months
7 - Violet	The Middle Sarcophagi - tomb built upon tomb, each less grand than the last. Monuments to greater and lesser Ages.	The Meteorite (rare encounter), Nothing	Robotics, Capacitors, Scuba Gear, High-Capacity Curse Detectors	1d4 Weeks
8 - Black	The Final Sarcophagus - It is hot. Demon light pours from the Portal. Madness. Oblivion.	Nothing	Discordant Pipes, “Demon” Bodies, Curse-stone.	1d4 Days

*Assuming you don’t immediately turn back once you enter the zone. This reflects spending at least one travel turn in the area. It also assumes you have no protection from the Curse. **Whatever the White Tower zone is embedded within.

Source

The Curse

It should be pretty obvious at this point what the Curse is and what it's trying to replicate. The only thing I suggest for this is to not go the cartoon-y mutation route. I mean... I guess you could, but then you'd need to find another point to this whole nega-zone. Just keep in mind that the initial pull is Huge Risk = Huge, Dangerous Reward. The players and characters should know this. You can find hyper batteries from a thousand years ago, cursed rocks to slowly assassinate your enemies, and assault rifles in an age of spears; however, you'll die of 'natural causes' a lot sooner than normal. Power and Riches for Life. Having, instead, Power and Riches for Growing a Third Functional Arm is less of a conscious old-school risk-reward tradeoff and more of a win-win.

Effects of The Curse:

• For Zones 1-5, death manifests in the form of lethal, unpreventable Cancer.
• For Zones 6-8, the symptoms are worse.
• Protection is gauged in terms of how many categories up the Maximum Lifespan scale it boots you. Category 1 Protection (e.g. respirator) effectively shifts you up by one zone. Category 2 Protection (e.g. a lead suit) shifts you up two zones. Perhaps Magic Armor can boot you up three.
• Natural traps and hot spots, as well as certain Cursed items, will produce an effect similar to a particular zone when interacted with for extended time. (For instance, falling into a Cursed pool of water unprotected in the Yellow Zone might be the equivalent of entering the Blue Zone. Drink the water, and it'll be like being in the Indigo Zone.)
• Effects of The Curse are unlikely to manifest during the lifetime of a campaign. It's really not until you get to around zone 5-6 that symptoms start to develop within an actionable amount of in-game time. And by that point, hopefully you've provided enough hints and such that the players (and characters) understand what's at stake.

Demons of the Nightless Lands

Source

Whatever you are that makes you alive, the Demons are more. This is their defining feature. They're more natural, more cruel, more obsessed, more beautiful, more everything. They are both splendid eagles and the mites that make home in their feathers.

In the far-reaching deserts where the sun never sets, these demons roam 'cross scorching sands and unearthed oceans, treading upon the bones of billions, knowing of the death and contemplating it. Their concerns are those of a hyper-natural order. They want, nay, they must live. They must live with every breath, affirm it with every action. You may be killed without remorse and your entrails feasted upon by a demon, while it simultaneously mourns your passing and weeps with emotions of sadness well beyond expression.

Where do they come from? The exact point and conditions are not known, but some things are clear.

They only appear in places of tremendous 'natural' death, past or present.

Ancient ocean beds.
Jungles.
Meteorite craters.
Fossil-laden Strata.
The Bellies of Whales.

They're more likely to appear at Fall, or the Wet Season, or right after a hurricane. Their numbers proportional to the magnitude of death. They do not appear in places of 'unnatural' death - battlefields, famines, mass war graves, man-made ecological disasters.

DEMON

d20	Where Did It Come From?	It resembles a...	What It Wants
1	Dried Lake	Stork without a head or neck. Triangular eyes and mouth ventral side. Big as a house - blocks out the sun. Claws that grasp like grapeshot cannons.	To eat you alive - Preferably screaming
2	Ancient Ocean Bed	Bucktoothed cannonball. Four massive teeth, spherical grey-flesh body. No digestive tract - it dissolves then vomits what it eats. Its teeth can break a grown elephant in half.	To murder then eat you - And gobble down in one bite
3	Animal Graveyard	Pair of eyes on stalks so deep and dark that they suck the light out of everything. Where they connect is a weak and fragile body.	To be eaten by you - Piece by piece, preferably.
4	Cooled Lava Field	Thousand beefy crab claws that detach at the slightest touch. If they aren’t grabbing onto something they’ll flail about like bear-trap rubber balls.	To maim and play with the body then leave it - It doesn't care about the pain
5	Jungle	Million buzzing things, humming discordant tunes. It moves like how you think skin crawls. Small sharp teeth.	To eat you, but only some - Any bit counts - hand, skin, hair, fingernails.
6	Poisonous Vents	A solid weeping metal ball. It has blue eyes. It emits a silver-black lava that will kill you if you touch it.	To weep and lament - It wants you to join it. How long will this last?
7	Below the Floodplain	Air-drowning worm. Or a person trapped in a bodybag. A long smooth writhing tube, wide as a shield, long as a man. It has no mouth - where it is cut or wounded it forms one.	To die, but they can't commit suicide - It must provoke its own murder
8	Fossil Strata	Skeleton dripping in black oil. What kind of skeleton it resembles changes from moment to moment, but it is always strong.	To atomize itself and spread like dust in the wind - This is quite hard. It might give up before then
9	Meteorite Crater	Green fire, slithering along the ground. It follows gravity, and begins to die upon touching water. Its upward teeth flicker like sparks. It turns black and lunges into the wind to catch moving prey.	To be you - It's not sure how it can. Perhaps it will follow and mimic.
10	A Beached Whale	Long, bony, reaching white hands. Again and again. Always more hands, always reaching. Is there anything but hands?	For you to be like it - It will offer its last kill, if it still wears it.

Theories/Rumors:

• Demons' are a form of cosmic balance. If too many things die, they spontaneously arise.
•  The corpses of demons have extraordinary value as fertilizer or feed for growing things. Growth and fertility rates will double for anything which consumes a demon.
• Though, that which consumes a demon becomes one, at least in part. Eating a modest portion (say, a shredded hand's worth) will remain a part of the body for years until it's eventually replaced. Eating large amounts (a steak) will take decades. A limb's amount centuries.
• Demons have some connection to the Sun. Is it spiritual? Metaphysical? Is it a physical, biological requirement? Demons do not appear atop the frozen glaciers of the Sunless Sea.

Demon

AC  As Mail   HD 1d8  HP Varies

1d12  Attack

Proximal Vitality - Demons have an HP pool equal to the combined Strength of everything it can sense by any means. Provided there is no large game or creatures around, assume this is 1-10HP base, depending on how lively the environment.

Critical Consume - If a demon kills something and eats it, it permanently gains +1 max HP.

Patents, Copyrights & Trademarks for Wizards

"Fuck Elves. Seriously, fuck 'em. Only Elves could ruinously appropriate something so crushingly frustrating, so maniacally evil, so horrendously bureaucratic as copyright law and make it even worse."

- Roger Rockwell, ex-trademark wizard and present underpass hobo.

Copyright magic is the most powerful wizardry there is. I mean, sure, launching Fireballs is cool and useful, but it doesn't nearly approach the invasiveness and hegemony of knowing when and where anybody in the city is saying and/or think of the word "stool".

What is the purpose of wizard copyright law?

Oh, sweet summer child, you think it's to encourage the production of art and culture?

Wrong. It's about SOUL MONEY. We are talking about Wizards, after all. Abandon all faith, ye who enter the realm of wizard law.

PATENTS

Wizard City's chief innovation was the formation of the Spell Patent system - a magnificient Orwellian structure housed within the Bureau of Spatial and Temporal Matters which informs authorities when and roughly where particular registered spells are used.

Supporters of the measure claim that the Spell Patent system encourages innovation by rewarding wizards for their hard work and creativity by giving them temporary exclusive rights to the market.

Detractors claim that this is stupid. Y'all are stupid. Having patents expire in 1000+ years is virtually forever for 99.9999% of the population. Furthermore, spells are just weird brain parasites that chill out in your cranium. You didn't actually invent anything, you merely turned your big dumb head into a zoo for an extradimensional mind moocher. Putting the equivalent of an espresso maker in your brain for ethereal parasites isn't protected under any law, not to mention patent law.  Also, it's freakin' magic. It is literally magic. Why does there need to be encouragement of innovation, you literally get to CHANGE THE RULES OF REALITY. You don't need to judicially reward a person for finding out how to MELT EYEBALLS WITH YOUR MIND. Melting eyeballs is its own reward. You're an idiot. No, you're a cynical idiot. The only function of this is to manipulate the markets so that you can monopolize for blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

~~~~~

...Anyways! Elf Wizards, may they forever occupy their technocratic thrones, argue that spell formation and the psychosomatic-orthogonal notes that assist wizards in spellcasting are claimable by patent. And the elves have compound interest on their side, so they get to write the rules.

Anybody can claim a Spell Patent with the proper gold, provided the spell is:

• Novel
• Useful*
• Not challenging an active monopoly
• Not screwing over someone important, particularly an elf
• Not stolen from right under your nose by the patent clerk
• Not going to cause the immediate collapse of all civilization
• Nothing to do with any iteration, mention, or naming of Steeve

*Usefulness debatable. Expect to explain this to the patent clerk.

This is, of course, an expensive process, hence the reliance on Bootleg Spells by the criminal masses. If you manage to score one, though, you can make some serious bank if legitimate bourgeoisie customers take an interest.

COPYRIGHT

...Punishable by atomization, lobotomy, or being thrown into the future.
Source

The following things are eligible for copyright:

Written, Dramatic, Musical, Artistic, Design, Architectural

Additionally, the following things are eligible for copyright, with enough influence:

Academic, Philosophical, Bureaucratic, Judicial, Unoriginal, Temporal, Theological, Moral, Verbal.

Hence, why you're not allowed to say "Birthday", or any iteration of "Birthday" in Wizard City. Unregistered and unauthorized use of the word "Birthday" will result in immediate summary punishment by Copyright Enforcement Agents.

...And maybe you'll get sued, if there's anything left to sue.

There's really only one important rule when it comes to Copyright Law in Wizard City: first come first copyright. If you come to the Devil's Court and you're able to prove to Harmon Devil, the Master of Copyright himself, that your thing is both original and yours, then you can get the exclusive rights to it, no matter how stupid this consequently might be. A case in the Devil's Court always bears a significant risk of flaying and lobotomy, of course, yet it can still be worth it.

Hence, the following occurrences and problems:

- Gordon Wick, in a feat of supreme theology, discovered the True Name of God. Then he copyrighted it. Any time a prayer to God (using its correct name) is uttered, both he and the Devil's Court will know. He charges quite a penny for rights to use prayers that will actually be heard.

- Abrahim Shaw, smug bastard and university administrator, copyrighted his own name. Now nobody can speak it without him knowing. He hasn't told anybody of this.

- Heather Cross, intern at the Bureau of Spatial and Temporal Matters, copyrighted the musical notes H, H#, and I. She successfully proved to the Devil's Court that she invented these notes and that they hadn't existed prior to this event. Everyone suspects spatial magic shenanigans.

- Consequently, the musical notes G, A#, and D were also copyrighted by an elf wizard named Corriander. He claims he invented them, and subsequently proved it in a secret session of the court. Nobody has been able to disprove it since then. Time shenanigans suspected.

- Technically speaking, the only person allowed to express the feeling of acute depression from looking at hamsters is a wizard named Lucy Frond. She's really monopolized that market. It has not made her rich.

TRADEMARKS

This symbol twists the hearts and souls of men...

Why did the Wizard Gangs trademark their gang symbols? You'd think they'd be adverse to the concept of government oversight. And yet, they have all agreed, it's better to have a little bit of regulation rather than returning to the chaotic days of doppelganger gang war anarchy.

Trademark violation is taken quite seriously in the criminal underworld, even moreso than in the legitimate realm. Stealing from a Steeve or a Black Magic Brother or a Nightmare Rider can get your knees confiscated - it's just business, after all - but flashing a gang symbol without trademark authorization? You'll be lucky if there's any part of you left. You may as well have taken a dump on their birth mother for what's about to happen to you.

Wars have been fought. Real, actual urban wizard wars, over Trademarks. The most famous of these, the War of *REDACTED*, was brought to its conclusion, moderated by the state, by all parties forsaking the *REDACTED* Trademark at once and for eternity. The War cost the city approximately 25,000 casualties over four years, the vast majority of them from friendly fire.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THESE IDEAS?

- Making or discovering new spells carries risk and opportunity beyond their immediate use.

- Bootleg spells are fun.

- Copyright can pit players against just about anyone for any reason. Need a reason to hate this particular person/organization? They hold a forever-copyright.

- The fact that gangsters are police are violently obsessive about their copyrights/trademarks is immediately exploitative. Reflexively so, even.

- The trading of Patents/Copyrights/Trademarks is also highly exploitative for clever players.

- Copyright authorization documents can be fun loot.

- Copyright piracy, anyone? Yar!