Monday, June 17, 2019

Who Waits Outside The Dungeon?

I swear, I've seen a table like this, but for the life of me I can't remember where. If you feel like doing me a solid, shoot a link down in the comments to similar lists.


WHO'S WAITING JUST OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON DOOR?

d30
Who?
Why?
How?
What?!
1
Dirty Beggar
Best chance for generous coin
Approaching for awkward conversation
Mumbles everything.
2
Naive Student
To complete their thesis.
Waiting patiently in full view of the exit.
They were planning on going in alone, vastly unprepared. Not nearly as scared as they should be. Knows a few cantrips.
3
Food Merchant
Because everyone deserves iced cream [sic] after a dungeon!
Food cart parked outside. The wonderful smell wafts into the dungeon.
Festival prices. Chance that food smell will lure any predators out of dungeon.
4
Cartographer
Buying / Selling maps
Scribbling, surveying, humming to himself while sitting on a rock/log.
If there are any other entrances/exits to the dungeon, even if they’re hidden, they know about them. Honest prices for information.
5
Meat Merchant
“Buying fresh meats…”
“Fresh” meat cart, piled with a body or two. Flies buzzing about it. Did one of those bodies just move?
“Exotic sums for exotic meats.” Has types of currency that should be well beyond his means (occultum, spellgold, wish-coins), hidden who knows where.
6
Jeweler
The rawest gems have the most potential.
One big empty sack for rocks and one big sack a quarter-full of identifying equipment.
Can Identify on the side, fees are way too cheap, because:
1. They’re bad at it.
2. It’s cheap, but you must buy a gem, too.
3. They sell the knowledge of who has what magic item to local thugs.
4. They’re just a generous dope.
7
Dung Farmer
Because even dungeon poop has value.
Smelling like a freshly fertilized field, covered in gods-know-what. Leaning on a shovel.
You wouldn’t believe how much money this guy is willing to shell out for exotic shit. You wouldn’t believe how much he sells it for, either.
8
Pickers
Gotta go to the source for the best deals!
Pair of folksy-looking fellahs uncomfortably chipper and friendly.
Prepare for haggling. They’ll try bundling (junk with valuable stuff), and leaving their contact information if nothing’s sold.
9
Sheriff
Chances are that something illegal happened in dungeon.
On a horse, armed, accompanied by only a single deputy, the idealistic fool.
Will interrogate people emerging from the dungeon. Asking about illegal activity within. Will try to confiscate any illegal goods.
10
Dungeon Dog!
HE NED FREND
Just comes running happily right on up.
Free dog companion - will sacrifice itself to take the next hit that someone in the party would take.
11
Dungeon Duckling
Just got born. Abandoned by mother.
Imprints on first person emerging from dungeon
Will eventually grow into the loyal and dangerous Dungeon Swan - a mighty and fearsome companion.
12
Mushroom Man
Wants to decompose all the bodies
Embedded inconspicuously on entrance wall. Will run in after party leaves.
If you ignore this chap, expect a bunch of mushroom men the next time you enter the dungeon.
13
Spy
Dungeon business is noble’s business.
Concealment from a distance. They’re only observing.
If somehow caught, will lie about intentions. Any pressure and they’ll spill it all (who they work for, what they’re doing, and why.)
14
Greedy Doctor
One can provide notoriously high markup for the desperate.
Dressed in setting-appropriate scrubs, tools in bag aren’t the cleanest.
10% chance of bad medicine or infection. Every single item, from tools to bandages, comes a la carte.
15
Undertaker
Somebody needs to take care of the bodies.
He’ll work for cheap.
He won’t say any prayers for the dead, though. You’ll need a cleric for that.
16
Friendly Adventuring Party
Heading into dungeon after you.
With fresh bodies and spirits. They may even be helpful.
If you’re at all friendly back, they may provide assistance in the future, either in or before entering the dungeon, providing combat help or supplies (water, anti-toxin, etc.)
17
Rival Adventuring Party
“Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.”
Ambush at the dungeon exit: show of force, possibly followed by violence.
If the Party approached the dungeon by brute force, R.A.P. approached by diplomacy. Vice versa. They try to make it seem like the better option - it may well be worse.
18
Bandits
Adventurers, dangerous though they are, can carry up to a year’s loot.
Ambush at the entrance, hidden from view. Split the party down the middle by trap or force. Pick off the weaker half.
Whatever’s in the dungeon, they’re scared of it. They’re superstitious, and will scatter at any non-human threat.
19
Porter
Good money to be made carrying stuff back from the dungeon.
Packs, straps, and little else.
The heavier the load, the more he’ll charge.
20
Wizard
Some horrible wizard shit, to be sure.
You know a wizard when you see one...
He is doing right now:
1. Mustering horrid minions to assault the dungeon.
2. Fiddling with Superscience.
3. Arguing with some mercenaries.
4. Resting, readying spells. Vulnerable!
21
Hatter
You’d be surprised how many people emerging from dungeons want to buy hats.
They wear the entire stock balanced and stacked atop their head.
Maybe they’re just a little crazy? Hatter and all that. At least one of those hats is magical.
22
Noble
Now that the dungeon is safe, this one can safely enforce their claim.
Proudly atop a horse, house banner whipping in the wind, present with knights or other hired ilk.
As long as you don’t lay claim to this dungeon, its surrounding landscape, or the tax-levied portion of goods obtained within, you’re free to go.
23
Suitor / Maiden
Mystic told them that they’d find true love/the one they’d marry at the entrance to this dungeon.
Dressed for a wedding. Naturally drawn to the highest CHA member of the party.
They will propose marriage on the spot, provided things aren’t immediately dangerous.
24
Orphan + Troll
“Pay da toll or get da troll.” Extortion or trollfeed, plain and simple.
A vicious orphan-child in rags, and their stoic troll companion.
The orphan doesn’t know the value of things. Things a child would like get an instant pass. You get three attempts before the orphan runs out of patience and sics the troll on you.
25
Priest
To save souls, of course!
Dressed in priestly attire, approaching without fear.
Will consecrate the dead, and provide blessings to those found to be in service of Law.
26
Mercenary
To trade service for coin. Will provide escort, or muscle for return journeys.
Dressed to kill, alone, leaning against a tree or rock.
Decent price for one-time gig. Retainer fee kind of pricey. Knows what they’re doing. Level 1-2 Fighter. Decent Morale.
27
Pimp
Taking the goods right to the customer, before any competitors get a shot.
They’ve got a pimp wagon and everything. Holy shit.
The logistics of this feat are mind-boggling. How did this guy drag a pimp-wagon full of complaining hookers all the way to this dungeon? How did he protect them? How did he convince them? How?!
28
Waterboy
Dungeoning is hard work. Somebody’s gotta provide relief.
Got every comfort a returning party needs stacked on his shoulders: water, towels, lanterns, praise.
A standard fee gets you the whole package. He’ll even carry your bloodstained clothes! This is a deal. Why isn’t this service provided at every dungeon?!
29
Butler
When the Waterboy isn’t enough.
Dressed as a butler would be, poised to ease your every problem.
Basically, the Waterboy but more comprehensive and much more expensive. Can take care of virtually any problem one might have while exiting a dungeon. Very capable.
30
Goat
???
Like an ordinary goat, doing goat things.
Why is it here? What is its purpose? Is it tasty? Random mystery goat!

16 comments:

  1. Orphan + Troll is wonderful. All of these are wonderful and flavorful as hell.

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    Replies
    1. More than anything, I love the idea of the orphan angrily rejecting magic items but accepting, like, biscuits. 'Things a feral orphan child would want' is not a loot category often thought of in dungeon crawling.

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  2. Does the mercenary become a highwayman if you are injured enough? Does the pimp??? So many questions

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    Replies
    1. I imagine anyone committed enough to wait outside a dungeon is ruthlessly opportunistic. Especially the pimp!

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  3. I feel like every one of these should read 'Estormo', customised appropriately for the dungeon's loot.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAjOv_7zo6k#t=19m14s

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    Replies
    1. "You fool. You don't stand a chance!"
      *dies*

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    2. Roll: 31-100
      Who?: Estormo
      Why?: "Ho ho ho, travelers! Thanks for getting the Staff of Magnus for me, I'll be taking that..."
      How?: With complete overconfidence.
      What?: Will attempt to kill the party whilst being far too inexperienced to actually do so.

      Delete
  4. Please revise rules for dungeon dog to read "lives happily forever and regardless of circumstances"

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  5. Great stuff! I am linking folks here from my blog/podcast this week.

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  6. The Pimp made me laugh out loud! Bravo!

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  7. is this what you were looking for?
    http://middenmurk.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-root-of-all-evil.html

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    Replies
    1. Certainly adjacently-so. Thank you!

      I'll admit, I may just be experiencing continuous Impostor Syndrome. Feels like every idea I've got was lifted from somewhere else and then I forgot where it came from.

      Delete
  8. This is brilliant! Goes straight to my binder.

    ReplyDelete