The Museum of Crime is going through some hard times, having been evicted no less than three times at the hands of the Secret Police, the Steeves, and then The Rascals respectively.
|From Disco Elysium|
The Museum is broke and homeless, forced to display its treasures atop moldy crates sheltered by broken boxes and precarious overhangs. Its Curator, Irwin, is desperate for some donations and low on visitors - he'll treat every guest personally to the wonders he's gathered.
Roll 1d6 three times, one for each exhibit present.
Mickey Gee’s Briefcase
Forty seven wizards were killed and maimed attempting to obtain this briefcase.
Future Crime in a Box
You’re not sure what it is, but the Curator insists that it itself composes a crime in the future... It kind of looks like a duck.
The drink that’s killed 1519 men to date. It’s okay, though, those men were weak.
Right now it’s a rock, but at some point the famous criminal transmuter Exagon has used this hunk of stone as a lockpick, a backscratcher, a pry bar, a license for comedy, and a certification in law practice.
Monkey had a penchant for leaving calling cards in the form of locks that, on touch, transform into raging baboons.
Illegal Irrational Number Mu
Obviously, this is not an exact copy of the notorious Illegal Irrational Number Mu, but simply a near-number replica. Note the simulated fractal matrix, ooh! Note the delicate curves and optical illusions!
Last Jury Trial Transcript
The transcript of the very last jury trial to ever be held in Wizard City, some years ago. It is rumored by very legitimate reporters that the stenographer was illegally replaced by an illusion, and the secret stenographer was illegally under the influence of a Charm spell.
Replica Pain Machine
Practitioners of illegal technoanimancy will sometimes create machines whose sole purpose is to feel one emotion or sensation upon activation. A number of so-called “Pain Machines” were confiscated and destroyed. Don’t worry, this one’s just an inoperable replica! For full simulated experience, feel free to imagine the pain it must feel upon every button press!
Counterfeit Police Helmet
Impersonation of police officers was a common offense until it was decided that it should be legalized, under the rationale that foolproof verification of personnel identities was impossible anyway, and as long as the individual is perpetuating violence on behalf of the state it really didn’t matter who was doing it.
Sagittal of a Smuggler’s Head
Diagram cross section detailing the empty brain cavity of a smuggler’s head - in which various items of value would be stored in the area of a displaced brain.
“4th Dimensional Beings!”
A propaganda poster from a few decades ago concerning what is now known to have been manufactured - “4D Scare”. Features cartoonish monsters pressing up against oblivious citizens from odd angles. “They could be touching you right now!”
Plaster Cast Footprint
Criminologists believe that the Invisible Woman, most adept of cat thieves, made these prints. Though, it might be a man with petite feet. Or possibly a dog wearing people shoes...
First Bootleg Spell
The first bootleg spell since Spell Copyright was invented, written on the bottom of a shoe. Contains the diagrams and words for “Sulivan’s Slippery Disk”, which conjures an object similar to floating disk, except it is not rotationally stabilized.
Discarded Coffee Mug
A fan-made counterfeit of the mug used by the Prince of Hot Drink during his heist of the Office of Intellectual Property.
Triple Omega Pennant
It’s an annual tradition for the various fraternities and sororities to attempt to prank The Dean in a dangerous game of one-upmanship. The Triple Omega Fraternity attempted to put a capstone to this by completely vaporizing the College of Deans, leaving only this pennant in the wreckage. The Triple Omega Fraternity has since been reorganized as gas particles.
Womb Emancipation Cake
Containing seven candles, denoting the age of the individual whose ‘womb emancipation anniversary’ was being celebrated. This cake is merely a non-edible replica. Real cakes of this variety as well as speaking the colloquial term of the occasion constitute a copyright violation.
Objects made by petty probability pranksters. The P-rang has an exactly equal chance to smack anyone within 30ft right on the head, including the thrower, dealing 1 damage. It homes in like a magic missile. It is also the most humiliating possible way to die.
Fascination Wigs were outlawed after near-universal acceptance prevented anyone from seeing where they were going.