Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Criminals from the Past and Future

Found near the Portal of Screams in Wizard City Hexcrawl.

It's not uncommon for the wizard police to have thrown criminals into the future as punishment for their deeds. This unfortunately produces the situation where the city is constantly receiving criminals from the past.

Source

Also, due to a portentous event known as The Morsley Conundrum (which identifies a time-traveling event horizon approximately 1,200 years in the future) Wizard City also receives a number of time travelers from the future - some criminal, some criminally insane, and some criminally wanting to alter the course of events, paradox be damned.

These peoples all land in a place called The Present. Double-meaning, this title, as it appears to act as a lightning rod for time-travelers, and because more often than not, these folk become fodder for The Steeves. Sometimes, though, they manage to escape into the city and cause general havoc.

CRIMES FROM THE PAST


d20
Name
What Was In Fashion Then?
Crime
Sentence Time
1
Jarvis McCree
Heckling Clerics
Establishing a Dated Prophecy
213 Years
2
The Magnanimous Mr. Monroe
Really Really Big Chins
Premeditated Paradox
150 Years
3
Krillby
Excessive Sarcasm
Psychoterrorism
140 Years
4
Grover
Hairy Chests
Statutory Enchantment
100 Years
5
Liz the Wiz
Being Able to Shoot Lightning Out of Anything
Institution of Psychohistory
80 Years
6
MISSUS Dufonte
Beating Beggars for Fun
Transmutative Currency Manipulation
55 Years
7
Chris Krinkle
Public Servants Who Actually Cared About Democracy
Aggravated Polymorph of a Bailiff
40 Years
8
Nahni
Weaponized Handbags
Perjurious Amnesia
35 Years
9
Toadstool
Designer Eyeballs
Illusory Witnesses
20 Years
10
Ms. Bullette
Skirts Big Enough to Hide Your Entire Criminal Posse Under It
Impersonation of a Gazebo
16 Years
11
Gorgonchock
Monuments Devoted to the Size of One’s Member
The Creation of Unregistered Silos
15 Years
12
Berry Blue
Disguising Oneself as Furniture
Student Advocacy
14 Years
13
Lil’ Bucket
Fastidious Helmets
Criticizing Police While Technically Correct
10 Years
14
Hummingbird
Really Really Big Hats
Spell Patent Infringement
8 Years
15
Sammy Jam
Casually Dressing Like The Pope
Insufficiently Wizardly Appearance
7 Years
16
Adum
Submitting Trademark Applications For Literally Every Possible Thing
Pet Fraud
5 Years
17
Clammy Sam
Breeding Very Peculiar and Pungent Turnips
Kink Shaming
3 Years
18
Rammy the Third
Dangerously Short Butlers
Misdemeanor Magic Dispelment
10 Months
19
Scully J.
Paying People to Learn For You
Felonious Insult
6 Months
20
Astrea
Whatever’s In Fashion Now, But It’s Just Starting
Legislative Homicide
1 Month


CRIMES FROM THE FUTURE


d20
Name
What’s Going to be In Fashion?
Crime
Sentence Time
1
Gunter
Establishing Completely Impossible Family Trees
Fathering Oneself
-30 Years
2
Malificous Bile
Not Knowing or Caring How Many Layers Deep Into the Dream Reality You Are
Manipulation of Compound Interest
-40 Years
3
Mockingjay
“FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET! 
FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET! 
FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET!!!
Dream Arson
-45 Years
4
Liro the Rake
Fascism. Shit.
Revolutionary Thinking
-50 Years
5
Heimlick
Still Fascism. Fuck.
Coughing in Public
-70 Years
6
Ms. Locke
Whatever Comes After Fascism. I Guess...
The Assaultment of Sacred Ducks
-90 Years
7
Smash
Casually Dressing Like The Anti-Pope
Resisting Ultraviolent Arrest
-110 Years
8
ABBBA-BAAAB-ABBBB
The Brain Collective. All Hail!
Conspiracy
-130 Years
9
Axyll
Fascism Again. Fucking hell!
Architectural Battery
-155 Years
10
Kewin
The Only Two Valid Genders: Ghost or Skeleton
Historical Character Assassination
-175 Years
11
Umari
The Fun Kind of Existential Nihilism
Conspiracy to Commit Discomancy
-200 Years
12
Krastor
Hairy Chests Again. We’re Back, Baby!
Imaginary Burglary
-205 Years
13
Skullchild
Vintage Disco Music
Destructive Deja Vu
-270 Years
14
Azor the Enlightened Foot
Fucking Just… Roundhouse Kicking People On The Street I Guess!
The Breaking of 15 Prohibitions
-300 Years
15
Katfish
“We’ve Totally Evolved Beyond Fashion.”
Supertask Creation
-350 Years
16
JAM HAM TRON
Being Thrown Back in Time
Expression of Fraudulent Irrational Numbers
-450 Years
17
Endarius-Gran
Having a Harem of Seventy-Seven Cultists of Grau
Speaking the Name of The Ineffable One
-777 Years
18
“We Don’t Have Names in the Future.”
Excessively Large Parasols
Gazing at the Doom Sun
-800 Years
19
Ricardo de Lon’don
Going Back in Time and Fucking. Shit. Up.
Time Theft
-900 Years
20
Dave
Contemplating The Nature of Existence as the Universe Begins It’s Long and Beautiful Sunset Into The Cold Dark Night. Pondering the Infinite Timelines and Modes of Being That Have Graced This Reality. What Was Life? What Was Its Purpose? What Was It All For?... Just Kidding! IT’S FUCKTONS OF DRUUUUUUUUGS!!
Being a Square
-1199 Years

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