Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Dog Town

Found by The Old Courthouse in Wizard City Hexcrawl.

Feral dogs roam the streets of the poor districts. They fight for food. They fight each other. They accost travelers in the wee hours and sometimes eat a whole wizard if they're desperate enough.

Little do the people know, that these are but the brigands, the bandits, the exiles of the Greater Dog Society, lurking on the periphery of the illustrious and very secret Dog Town.

First! You must brave these bandit alleyways. Their territory is wide and dangerous, but they are timid when presented with numbers.

Second! You must confront the Sentries: large guard dogs protecting seemingly unimportant places: strangely pristine garbage containers, small dusty holes at the bases of buildings, half-broken dog houses in smelly dark alleys. These Sentries are disciplined and strong. They shall not let anyone pass who does not have permission from The Mayor, and will not chase beyond sight of their posts. They speak only in Dog, and though they're strong and fierce, they're usually pretty dumb, even for guards.

Third! You must navigate the Tunnels of Terrible Smells!

(Really, not scary at all, unless you're a dog, I guess.)

Then you shall emerge in Dog Town! Town of Dogs! It is warm! It is bright! It is paradise for all of dog kind! Expect a warm and fluffy greeting. The Mayor will certainly want to meet you.

From From Studio Ghibli's The Cat Returns

Characters in Dog Town

The Mayor
The big cheese around here. Venerable weiner dog with a big fake mustache and a monocle. (How else would you know that he's mayor??) Constantly running around doing mayor things, which most of the time is canvassing for votes and delegating other dogs to fix problems "for the good of Dog Town!"

Guardians of the Old Master. Magically-enhanced shepherds, twice the size of a grown man, always working in pairs. Strong, disciplined, and dumb as rocks. With the Old Master gone, they follow the orders of The Wizard now, him being their last tie to their old creator. Should The Wizard fall, the Sentries will simply wander off, leaving Dog Town defenseless.

The Wolfdog
A big fluffy snow white husky with heterochromatic eyes. Magic. Super magic. So magical he doesn't even know it! Goofy and melodramatic, unable to understand the powers he possesses. Capable of teleportation, invisibility, levitation, scrying, speaking with dead, and resurrection. Can't go up or down stairs, pass through the circumferences of circles, or enter homes without permission. Probably Fey.

The Retriever
A big dumb-faced lovable lab. When dogs in Dog Town need things, they go to him. He fetch. Runs the General Store, which doesn't actually keep anything in stock - he just fetches things on demand as folk put in orders. HE INSISTS ON THE ORDERS! THIS IS A REAL BUSINESS! Doesn't actually care about whether the forms are filled out correctly (most aren't, or are already filled out, or are soaked in drool).

I have absolutely no idea why someone made this or why a wizard 
bulldog would get things done, but it's entirely appropriate.

The Wizard

Who everyone goes to when problems get serious. An ancient bulldog of 24 years (168 in human). One opaque eye and one floppy benign face tumor. Grumpy, rude, lonesome, and clever. He was a wizard's pet two decades ago. That proximity to The Old Master granted him insight into the arcane, and unnatural intelligence. Knows a few modest spells, which he mostly uses to impress and terrify the populace of Dog Town. Lives in a miniature tower on the edge of town - a dog house dubiously perched atop a stack of rickety lumber.

The Old Master
The only thing left of her is a portrait kept in The Wizard's tower, which the Wizard brings out once a (human) year for the town to gaze upon in remembrance. Nobody's sure why she disappeared one day and never returned to Dog Town. Obviously, she was a wizard. Probably a rather lonely one. From her happy portrait with The Wizard, though, it may not have been willingly.

Problems in Dog Town
There’s a pipe that needs loosening but nobody has hands!
There’s a howl that’s been continuously going since last night, and nobody can do anything else until it stops, and it starts again once anyone decides to howl.
The Mayor needs to collect taxes, but he has no idea what to tax or how much.
Somebody’s locked up the park! Who has the key??
Wolfdog is very very sad. “OooooOOOOOoooohhhh!...” He can’t remember why.
They spotted a cat! We must find and arrest this infiltrator!
How will we ever save up for college when we keep spending our money on treats?
The Mayor is bored, we must entertain him!
Nobody’s scooping up the poop anymore.
Disaster! Disaster! Total Disaster!!! What is it, you say? Not sure, but it’s very bad!!
Those doppelgangers have shown up again in the drinking water, we must arrest and question them, if only they weren’t so quick!
Nobody’s sure who’s supposed to have more authority and responsibility: the Mayor of Dog Town or the King of Dogs? (Dog legalities and federalism are weird.)
Someone’s tail is getting put on trial for insulting the mayor! This isn’t immediately obvious to outsiders. Nobody is aware of the consequences of corporal punishment upon that to whom the tail is attached.
Fleas! Fleas everywhere! A plague upon Dog Town!
Pls throw? No take! Only Throw! (Not solving this problem shall result in arrest.)
Somebody has gone missing! They’re so tiny, where have they gone?! Organize a search! (The biggest dog is sitting on them, right in the middle of town square.)
Somebody ate all the food! Who could it be?! (Certainly not the bloated groaning dog laying down by the food dispensers. That would be too obvious!)
A terrible darkness has fallen over Dog Town! We must consult The Wizard! He’ll know what to do! (It’s just a big dark perfectly normal cloud.)
Somebody’s not sharing the ball, and they’re not using it, but they’re not sharing it!
The town needs to build a new house, but nobody knows even the faintest aspect of architecture. Attempts keep falling over.


  1. oh my god this is the best thing I have ever read

    dopplegangers in the water...