Thursday, September 6, 2018

The Clerics of Clause

About a year ago I ran an impromptu one-shot using the introductory adventure for Anomalous Subsurface Environment. One of the players wanted to be a cleric. In ASE clerics worship these ominous satellite AI overlord deities, and the setting explicitly says that you can pick any god from any pantheon that ever existed to be your deity.

My friend was cloistered Catholic, so while browsing the list of various pagan deities, and seeing the obvious discomfort on his face, I told him that he can pick anything ever. Narnia, Tolkien, anything.

He decided he wanted to be a cleric of Santa Claus.

And this was the best cleric religion.

He decided that this meant he would go around gifting presents to the needy, making offerings to Santa Claus of cookies and other sweet things, and smashing dudes on the naughty list in the face.

Freakin'. Awesome. I was 110% on board. Best cleric ever.


So now, a year from that date, having completely bailed on my blog post about how clerics feel extraneous and unnecessary in most campaigns, I will write about the Church of the Clause, inspired by the Best Cleric Ever.

Clerics of Clause

Domains: Gift Giving, Good Cheer, Cultural Appropriation

Tell me this dude ain't the most cleric-y cleric you've ever seen.

Everybody generally tolerates the Clerics of Clause (there are those of open hostility). The Clerics are rather annoying, quite possibly utterly blasphemous, but at least they always show up with presents and booze.

The entire function of the Clerics is to show up on other clerics holidays and then misappropriate it to make it about Good Cheer. The good Clerics of Clause are generally courteous and give gifts when they show up uninvited. The bad ones are raucous and drunk. Neither group actually cares what the real holiday is about - they're just here to spread the Cheer!

Clerics of Clause are expected to give gifts wherever they go. It's why most people are generally helpful towards them. Children tend to either be ecstatic or completely terrified.

The other function of the Clerics is to appropriate elements from each Holiday they show up at, to incorporate it into their own Fraken-Holiday.

The Holiday

Once a year comes the Holiday of the Clerics of Clause. It is a wonderful/horrific amalgam of other holidays. Bring an evergreen inside, roast some chestnuts over a fire, perform a bloody sacrifice to Tiamat, whisper the name of Claus into the ashes of a forsaken treaty... then presents! Yay!

Also unleashing cans o' whoop ass.
By yy6242

As a GLOG Class

Because there's a first time for everything, I'm gonna make a GLOG Class for this!

Starting Equipment: A white-furred red coat. Red pants. A big belt. A sack. 2 Liters of Booze. A mace. The List. Pen.
Starting Skills: Religion

A - Instant Wrapping, The List
B - Good Cheer
C - Sneak
D- Religious Misappropriation

Instant Wrapping
In 1d4 Rounds you may wrap up any object in your possession. It takes 1d4 Rounds to unwrap.

The List
Every Cleric of Clause has their own personal Naughty/Nice List. It takes a minute to write someone's name down on it, and can only be done after witnessing a naughty or nice act. When you do so, that person gets a -1 penalty (Naughty) or +1 bonus (Nice) to all Saves as long as it's there. Some justification must be given, or Clause himself (the DM) will strike the name from The List.

Good Cheer
You may spend one Round to bolster your allies with good cheer! You and your allies gain advantage against Fear, Poison, and Paralysis for 2d4 Rounds.

+2 to Stealth. Double the bonus if you're climbing. Double it again if you're using the ability altruistically.

Religious Misappropriation
Whenever you witness an act of magic for some religious purpose, you may copy and repeat that ability once, at your convenience, provided it is done with general good cheer!

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