The Go

The Go is a wide open green at the heart of the Chronulean campus in Wizard City Hexcrawl. It used to be called "The Diagonal Green". Then eventually the students shortened it to "The Diagon". Then "Diago". Then, simply, "The Go"...  Age is the best indicator for which of these names will be used.

'The Go' is host to a number of University-sponsored and sanctioned activities. It's a popular destination for recruitment and solicitation, due to the considerable foot traffic it gets.

d20	What’s Happening?
1	Two ten-foot solid iron statues of old rich donors are about to have a duel.  They’ve been doing this for years... They’re picking weapons:  1) Their canes 2) Fisticuffs 3) Whatever they can grab nearby, like you!  4) Pistols (Cannons), Twenty Paces 5) Swords stolen from other statues  6) Pokemon battle with a tiger statue fighting a swan statue.
2	Recruitment drive for “Drain The Drain!”.  Student wizard activists are soliciting questions to passers:  1) “Are you comfortable having a giant pool of arcanoactive waste next to YOUR drinking water?” 2) “Hey... Can I interest you guys in like… Saving the world?” (He’s here to get laid) 3) “Hi! Would you like to contribute to SLAYING THE MAGICAL MUCK MONSTER?” 4) Until The Drain gets cleaned, THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! (Shows off horrible mutation)
3	A Brawl.  4d6 wizard students are having a fistfight. Plenty of spectators. There are no sides. Nobody has any idea why this is happening, they’re just happy to be involved. The Dean is about to show up in force with five of his clones in approximately 2d4 Minutes to break it up and make examples.
4	University Activity Club is Recruiting Members.  They’ve got a table set up and literature to pass out.  1) Lightball League - No Contact, No Points, (No Fun) 2) Academic Fencing - Cool facial scars, only moderate chance of hospitalization. 3) Spell Study Club - In case you wanted your extracurricular to be more studying. 4) Knitting League - Competitive. Very competitive. People DIE in Knitting League. 5) Mental Gymnastics Club - For academics, philosophers, politicians, and pedants. 6) The Young Warlocks - A social movement for the de-stigmatization of Pact magic. 7) S.R.C. (Secret Reactionary Committee) -  “A secret committee for the disestablishment of secret committees.” 8) Cloning Clones Club - Want to make clones? Don’t like the ethical or spiritual complications? Then just clone clones instead! (It’s NOT the same!)
5	Internship Drive.  Companies are recruiting interns for dangerous work and/or free labor. 1) The Security Enterprise Corporation needs a secretary-in-training. Redheads only. 2) Magic Hat Holdings requires a coffee-getter for their Arcane Exchange team. Linebacking skills preferred. 3) Torch-Holders and Porters required for Extranational Expeditions. Funeral expenses provided. 4) Chronulean Patent Enforcement Force requires someone who can read. To read things. You will not be paid. 5) The Bookprinter’s Cartel - Learn monopolization skills and bashing skulls. 6) Crypt Currencies LLC - Nobody is sure how anything works or what work is being done, but money is made, so nobody questions it. 7) Do you like arson AND extortion? Join the Fire Brigade! 8) Failing in your studies? Have you considered police brutality as a career? Join Patent Enforcement today!
6-12	Students Hanging Out. 1) Spider Studies Major is spinning web-hammocks in a tree. Pretty cool. 2) Sophomores tossing a Lightball back and forth using their Light wands. No risk of contact. 3) Couple of green pals, photosynthesizing. Tank tops and sunglasses. 4) Friends chilling around a magic circle, holding hands. Doesn’t seem terribly ominous. 5) Pair of gals casually chatting about blood magic. 6) Meditative grad student is focusing on visions of the apocalypse. Does not want to be disturbed. 7) Freshmen cautiously picking at mysterious jiggling food acquired from off-campus. 8) A few juniors are walking their familiars and chatting about summoning sword demons. 9) Two brains-in-jars privately giggling and badmouthing professors. 10) Two-headed senior is having a conversation with themself about how annoying eavesdroppers are. 11) Gaggle of juniors talking loudly and acting inebriated, drinking out of bagged bottles secretly containing weird little demons. 12) Elven music major is waving around a grass reed, conducting a symphony of cicadas and crickets. 13) An Accounting student is simultaneously counting every person entered, step taken, and word spoken in The Go. 14) Two amateur linguists are attempting to Speak with Earth on the rock monument devoted to the Class of 499. 15) A cheery senior from the Department of Torture is outlining their thesis on the history of skin flaying to a group of horrified freshmen. 16) A lass is practicing enunciation to summon a disease demon… “DISSSS-entery.. Hmm, no… Dis-EN-tery…” Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe without a proper subject. 17) Three lads are practicing drawing perfect circles with chalk. Harder than it looks. 18) A tall guy is feeding the squirrels and turning them purple. 19) A small cohort of students are writing advertisements for cults in chalk on the sidewalk. (See: #17) 20) Three juniors with strange goggles are staring up high, aghast at something invisible and giant.
13	Protest.  6d10 people present. 1) Students Against Textbook Hikes - The Bookprinter’s Cartel hiked textbook prices again. People are understandably upset. Great place to ask around for black market locations on and off campus. Cartel infiltrators present. 2) Custodians For Additional Designated Shrines - Nobody present. They won their demands. Nobody messes with the Custodians, not even Administration. 3) Faculty Against Proliferation of Cults - There are just far too many cults. How do we even keep track of them all? It seems like there’s a dozen every day. They’re not anti-cult (they’re fine with older ones), just anti-new-cult. 4) Graduate Students Against Committee Protocols - There is exactly one very brave graduate student. They’re probably doomed. 5) Student Groups Against Systematic Brainwashing - They've done this yearly protest at least four times in the last month alone. 6) Students and Faculty for Departmental Peace - They want an end of hostilities with the pariah History Department. Concessions and Pardons should be given to bring an end to the violence.
14	Special Event!  6d10 Students present. 1) Academic Triathlon - Elite students compete in three back-to-back categories: memorization, incantation, and somatics.  2) Renewal of the Abjurative Demons - Powerful summoning ritual performed by faculty to summon tolerable demons that will keep truly dangerous demons at bay for another harvest season. 3) The Department of Spying is having its monthly Spy vs. Spy war game. People are being faux-abducted and assassinated with probably-harmless magic. 4) Concert. Loud experimental bands approved by student secret committees. Large crowd gathered.
15	Panhandler.  They will move on or be removed by The Dean within 1 Hour. 1) Brain in a jar of a guy who sounds drunk, despite having no orifices or body. “Hey, spare some brain fluid?” 2) Forgetful Student. “Can I bug you for a couch to surf? I lost my memories and don’t have a place to stay.” 3) Reality Junky. “Spare some Spellgold? This reality just ain’t good enough anymore, y’know?” 4) Bum Animancer. “Hey man, got some juice? I haven’t bestowed the gift of sentience in like… hours!” 5) Bum Transmuter. “Want some change?” 6) Curse Eater. Holding a cardboard sign:  “Any Curse Helps. Fates Bless.” Will literally eat cursed stuff.
16	A Tour.  One tour guide plus 4d6 attendees in tow. 1) Student orientation tour. Tour guide talks about how the statues periodically duel, what buildings to avoid, and to NOT TOUCH THE UNIVERSITY SEAL. 2) Student re-orientation tour. Occasionally students lose their memories and must be reacquainted with the university. 3) Administrative Audit. Shadow-faced suits on route to a PURGE. They carry bloody swords and faculty evaluations. 4) Business Wizards. Suits and balding heads. On their way to witness some potentially profitable science.
17	Advertisement! 1) Magic Mouth. Only appears if you’re in debt. “NEED CREDIT?? Shark Loans! No questions asked!” 2) Chalk message. “Church of the Spoon. Sundays at 3.” 3) Flyers. “If you can understand this expression, join the Hypermath Cult.” Total mathematical nonsense… unless you’re high or hallucinating. 4) Chalk message. “Don’t look at page 26.” Code for the latest issue of The Waking Eye - which page will cause the magazine to self-destruct.
18	Construction. Hazardous.  3d10 Spatial Engineers from the Bureau of Space and Time are here, moving entire buildings around. Blockades are set up. The Go has become a labyrinth. An uncareful student can fall in and find a building has been moved on top of them.
19	Anomalous Event.  Something strange is happening… 1) All students present are standing perfectly still, gazing up at the sky. After a few moments they continue on with their routines, oblivious to what just happened. 2) The Greens are permeated with strange holes in reality. If one’s not careful one can fall in and become Lost in Space and Time. 3) A student is screaming and clutching their head, ranting about ‘the programming inside us all. The Archmages, they’re controlling everyone!’. Secret police from the city are about to arrive and make him disappear. 4) “Eat The Rich” scrawled in chalk. After seeing this, the next time one encounters a wealthy individual they’ll try to cannibalize them. 5) Mural painted on the sidewalk: a black-robed individual in the distance, as if coming from out of the desert. Contagious memetic virus. Visions of this approaching man. When he arrives within a week, one will be compelled to mindlessly head east into the desert (and likely perish from exposure). 6) Mystical Portal has appeared. It goes to a random location in the city.
20	Nothing…  (Which always means something.) Overrides other entries if rolled. 1) The Go is entirely empty, except for the Statues. 2) The Go is entirely empty, even the Statues. 3) The Go simply does not exist right now. You enter one side and exit out the other without remembering a thing. 4) The Go does not exist narratively or sequentially in your campaign. Skip over it entirely and accept no questions.

Goblins Make Their Own Languages

A group of goblins is called a 'spell'. Why?

Goblins love spelling like trolls love counting.

They seek out letters and sounds like magpies collecting shiny trinkets, piecing them together in new and incomprehensible permutations. Perhaps they feel safety in encryption. Perhaps it satisfies some inalienable drive of goblin-ness. It's been suggested to be a tactic to confuse predators.

When you find a goblin, it's likely to make a loud noise: a keyboard faceroll of sounds, a morse code sequence of claps using dismembered squirrel hands, a dial tone, a long singular screeching hence-unheard-of vowel, a recitation of three interspersed alphabets to the tune of row-row-row your boat, or most probable: a combination of all the above.

The best way to fend off a goblin attack is to make new sounds at them or spell things out loud. Well, 'fend off' is a little inaccurate. It'll buy you some time.

Example: "GOBLIN - GEE OHH BEE ELL EYE EHN." Then watch as their little brains painstakingly try and sort that out while you stab them in the gut.

This is a goblin shark. It has no relevance for this post.
But I think it's pretty neat.

Goblins love to collect written things. The value of the thing doesn't matter: spell scrolls are as equal as hastily-scrawled notes or street signs in their little manic eyes. They love these written things and slice them up with their teeth into frantic magazine collages: cutting and pasting them together in new combinations to form their own 'little languages'.

The code disseminates throughout the 'spell'. It telephones, morphs, recombines. It gets chewed up and thrown up, then the throw up gets re-ingested and reinvested. What results is language twice-vomit.

GOBLIN LANGUAGE VOMIT

(When in doubt, just throw out jibberish)

d12	As A Base It’s Using...	With Some Intermixed...	And It Inexplicably Includes...
1	Flag Semaphore	Guttural Growls	An out-of-tune violin
2	Morse Code	Orchestra Conductor’s Signals	A dead squirrel marionette
3	Army Drumming Commands	Alphabet Soup	Headbutting
4	Middle Elvish? How???	Numbers Thought To Be Letters	Human skull drinking cup
5	Throat Singing	Plumbing Jargon	Shakespeare as performed by William Shatner
6	Arcane Spellcraft (Warning, Dangerous!)	Wolf Howling	A coin collection depicting thirty frumpy kings
7	Interpretive Dance	Grating Monotones	A Frog Hat
8	Limericks	Square Dancing	Hallucinogenic Mushrooms
9	Pig Latin	Thigh Slaps	Filth Flinging
10	Lowest Common	Wind Sounds	26 goblins each with a letter painted on their backs arranging into words
11	Upside-Down Dwarf Script	Winking and Blinking	Smoke Signals
12	Mirrored Draconic	Rude Hand Gestures	Sock Puppeting

~~~~~

Though the developmental biology of goblins remains elusive to most human societies, the orcs of Shadowmountain know exactly where and why 'spells' of goblins appear. They're just "undercooked" orcs. They call it 'Swamp Brain'. Orcs that grow up in environments of acidic soil (bogs, pine forests, mine drainage sites, sulfur vents, whale stomachs) fail to develop into adolescence and remain growth-stunted in perpetuity. Eventually the effect becomes permanent. Orcs tend to want to stay away from these places, since any orc children born in the area tend to grow into weird little screeching maniacs.

The Isle of Tyrants

(One of the advantages of RPGs is that you can play out some really fun and stupid ideas. This is no doubt one of them.)

Somewhere in the southern ocean near the Empire of Truth and the Kinglands lies an island paradise. Beaches of pure crystal water, warm sunny weather, and an entire religiously devoted servile populace to keep the island's guests in wealth, luxury, and comfort.

The guests exclusively being, notoriously, the absolute worst people on the planet. Only tyrants, unjust dictators, powerful madmen, and maybe evil geniuses can become guests upon the island. (And their families and friends, if they want to bring them along). Everyone else will be repulsed.

The island was leased to the Serene Order of Peace for a period of one century, approximately three centuries ago. Since then the lenders have stopped existing, having fallen to a revolution or a coup or something of the like. No nation as of yet has decided to substantiate any claim on the isle. Why? Well, because the Serene Order of Peace will fend off invading armies to the death.

The Political Experiment

The Grand Idea was to lower the exit cost for tyrants so that they would increasingly give up their power and go retire in luxury and peace. If the exit costs of tyranny were high, the Order reasoned, then tyrants would cling to their power, forever fearing retribution and betrayal. If they could easily leave when things got dicey, then they would, accelerating peaceful transfers of power.

Political science theorists (and the tyrants themselves) loved this idea. Everyone else hates it. Hates it. To even have the social experiment the island had to be fortified. It had to be militarized. Its keepers had to be zealous beyond reproach, incorruptible. It had to be a religion, with punishments for deviation along religious lines, not simply punitive.

And so the Serene Order of Peace militarized itself in order to repel assassins and expeditionary armies from its shores, to assuage tyrannical distemper abroad.

There is a catch: any of the tyrants that claim the island's sanctuary are not allowed to leave. They're not allowed to communicate with anyone on the outside. Tyrants are allowed to bring their families, friends, and mistresses, but none of their personal guards. Arrivals will be vetted by the Order to determine if they actually want to remain with the tyrant or not (those who don't are released and granted passage to any port they'd like on arrival).

PRESENT GUEST LIST

Andre Le Penn - Oversaw the military occupation of the Island-City of Deadwind. Massacred approximately 1200 people over the course of three days and claimed sanctuary on the Isle of Tyrants before the government shifted again.

Hammilhan The Impaler - An infamous border lord, hated by the royalty of the Kinglands for his murderous treatment of their merchants and emissaries. After impaling some ten thousand enemies of the state on pikes, including most members of his family and those of his supporting families, he sniffed the power shift and left for the Isle.

The Lich Arugal - He threatened Death to leave him alone and he’s regretted it ever since. After ruling a surprisingly boring dictatorship of undeath for several centuries he’s got weary of existence and now seeks to woo Death with numerous attempts at suicide. He keeps a list of crossed-out ideas. Pleaded for asylum to throw himself into this particular volcano, which he believes might finally kill him due to nature of its volcanic glass.

Dr. Chrome - Attempted to destroy Space. Almost succeeded. Since arriving she’s been suffering severe mental decline and can barely remember her own name, let alone that she almost destroyed Space. Though, it all could just be an act to earn her sympathy... You never know with evil geniuses.

Major General Finius Darkside - Tried to invade the Moon with an army of shadows. His forces were repelled in a stunning decisive defeat by the confederate forces of the Greater Mares. Retired in shame.

Queen Corvinia Eleneal - A thousand-year old elven tyrant of a country that no longer exists. So-called the Queen of Secrets. Been here for centuries. Rumored one of the first ‘guests’. It’s surmised she secretly engineered this entire social-political experiment to ensure she had a place to retire in comfort. Treats mortals like pet dogs.

Lubinia Black - Supposedly a retired Time Tyrant - a time-hopping traveler that poaches timelines and systematically ruins them one at a time until they experimentally get the results they want. Brought with her a train of cohorts and oddities from failed realities. Even the other tyrants fear her.

The Count of Nowhere - The scum mortgaged the county he lorded over in a loan from Hell, and defaulted. The land was swallowed up and tucked over like it had never been, with all the land’s people trapped within and dragged down to Hell. Using laundered funds he’s retired to the Isle of Tyrants, and fears Hell’s collectors, who care not for the laws of man and nature. So far they’ve managed to collect his name and his sleep. He requires heroin. Lots of heroin.

The Island

It's a volcanic island surrounded by shark-infested waters. It is, in every single way, an evil genius volcanic lair. There are hot springs and beaches for recreation, exotic animals to hunt and eat, tunnel networks, and a five-star resort excavated into the volcanic crater. There are underground safe rooms, guard monasteries, defensive tunnel networks, bunkers, and magical armories.

The island is surrounded by perilous reefs, steep cliffs, and the upper atmosphere is poisoned by fumes produced by the volcano. Worst of all, though, is the Thunder Jack - a flying moray eel the size of an two 18-wheelers back to back. Nobody is exactly sure why the eel doesn't attack the inhabitants of the island, but there are theories:

• The monks are devote worshippers of Tiamat, earning the allegiance of the serpent. They have a shrine to the Ocean-Dragon goddess inside the active volcano, and regularly perform human sacrifices at it.
• It's the personal pet of one of the tyrants. But which one would, or could, engineer a giant flying electric eel?
• The eel can't stand the poisonous fumes emitted by the volcano, and so stays its distance from the island.
• Even eels respect science. This one doesn't want to interfere with the social experiment.

Any approach is dangerous on its own, not to mention the guards of the Serene Order, who maintain a watch 24/7.

The monks wear military dress of the color of jungle shade, and when in formal function wear berets of baby blue. They wield long bows and hefty knives, though each is trained in the prevailing ascetic-warrior traditions of the day. 

They employ a number of outsiders to do work for them: experienced volcanic miners, merchant captains, turncoat diplomats, interpreters, mercenary admirals, and the odd bureaucrat. Their contractors are often paid in highly-valued volcanic glass - useful for destabilizing necromantic fields.

QUEST HOOKS

1. Kill a Tyrant

A woman named Zill wants you to kidnap or kill Andre le Penn, one of the recently arrived guests upon the island. This man ordered the death-by-torture of everyone Zill had ever known: her family, her friends, her neighbors. Five generations of everyone she knew, murdered. The hatred she feels for this man cannot be understated. She would end the world to kill this man.

Andre has three hobbies that might leave him vulnerable: imported wine from the Empire of Truth, having numerous affairs with domestic staff, and painting using exotic ingredients. The more suffering you can impart upon this man the happier Zill will be. She'll promise you her family's lands, recently reacquired in land reforms, which she can no longer bear due to the pain of the memories.

2. Rescue a Tyrant

Hammilhan "The Impaler of Karkenhome" has decided that coming up with exotic executions for his failed ministers and rivals is a far more fulfilling existence than hedonistic spiritual peace on this island. He wants out. The Order, of course, will do everything in their power to prevent this... He'll need to be smuggled.

He promises you a just and mighty reward, a tyrant's ransom if you complete this task. He'll try to avoid being specific as to what exactly that is. If it comes down to it he'll promise a castle belonging to one of the people he'll need to depose. He'll say it's his to give. (It's not)

But if that doesn't fool you, you could certainly get a reward for delivering him unto his rivals...

3. Plug a Leak

Brother Philox, a senior monk of The Serene Order of Peace needs assistance: one of the tyrants on the island is managing to smuggle communications to the outside world, and they need some people to find out who. They've recovered some coded messages, and suspect they're connected with some power moves and assassinations abroad, though they can't conclusively draw any links yet.

They suspect one of the monks of the Serene Order is an infiltrator, and they need some outsiders who are beyond suspicion to root them out. Or perhaps you could puzzle the foreign political situations together yourself and infiltrate one of the tyrant's cohorts to find out who's breaking code.

If one of the tyrants is found out to have been breaking their covenant with the Order they'll be unceremoniously thrown into shark-laden waters. (Death by exile, essentially).

Secretly, it's a framing. One of the tyrants doesn't like one of his tyrant neighbors, and wants to frame them with breaking covenant in order to get them killed. Y'know, typical scheming tyrant stuff. The question is, does it really matter? Here's an opportunity to off a horrible person, framing or no.

4. "Retire" a Tyrant

Someone wants you to kidnap a tyrant, a king, an archpriest, and take them to the Isle of Tyrants for retirement. First you need to kidnap them (you'll have some help). Then you'll need to convince the Order that they came here of their own will. Do this and you'll be handsomely paid with some definitely-embezzled money or possibly a chest full of jewels.

Why not simply kill the tyrant? Well, the replacement tyrant isn't terribly comfortable with this precedent for obvious reasons.

5. A Rogue Monk

The High Council of the Serene Order has a big problem: Sister Carthage, a senior priestess of The Serene Order, has gone rogue. She's convinced two dozen hardened members of the Order to join her rebellion, staking out guerilla positions in the island's jungles and volcanic tunnels. They've taken two tyrants hostage, threatening to kill them in the event of an attack.

No lists of demands have yet been made. The High Council is in shock. Sister Carthage was one of the most effective and loyal monks they had. What could have caused her to turn so? Is she being manipulated or mind controlled? One of her hostages is an infamous sorcerer... What does her rebellion hope to accomplish?

Plans within plans within plans... A scheme is afoot, but whose? Is Sister Carthage in control, or is one of the tyrants secretly pulling the strings? Is this all a part of a hidden agenda from the High Council, or perhaps an outside force? Who's lying, and who's telling the truth? Does it matter?

6. A Spy in The Great Game

The Isle of Tyrants isn't exactly what you'd call 'cheap real estate'. It's strategically located, posing security concerns for no less than half a dozen nation-states, close and far. The Dragon-Mansa, the Divine Emperor of Truth, the Wizard-Traders of Chronulus, the Twilight City Greater Houses, the Children of Raki, all of them have a geopolitical and/or mercantile stake in the island.

Any or all of the above will pay handsomely for intel about the island: 

• Which beaches are suitable for amphibious landing? Where are the dangerous reefs, shallow waters, and paths through them?
• Maps of the underground tunnel networks.
• Paths through the jungles.
• Who's in charge of the Serene Order of Peace, and what are they like as people? What are their weaknesses?
• How strong is the Serene Order? Where are located its bunkers, armories, and fortified monasteries?
• Who are the Island's 'guests'? What are they doing? What are their plans?
• What are the Island's natural resources? What's the weather like?
• Are there any additional factions upon the Isle? Any interesting indigenous species?