Tuesday, July 24, 2018




Man, this list was hard to finish. It's hard to think of alarms that aren't just some variation of "make noise". Plenty of these have overlap with the Traps category.

Alarms are designed to alert guards/owners/captive monsters under certain trigger conditions.
  1. Screaming Mouth - Classic Magic Mouth alarm. Screams very very loud in caster’s voice. This version has noted effect of spreading to any surface that touches it (i.e. hands, clothes, the back of Frank’s head).
  2. Dangerous Potions All Over The God-Damned Place - With just about every loud, maiming, hazardous spell imaginable. Kept in fragile glass containers, each placed precariously for maximum potential energy. One breaking will no doubt set off a chain reaction.
  3. Tortured Goblin - Every wizard it has ever seen has done something horrible to it, so of course it’ll scream and kick and wail every time it sees one.
  4. Animated Symphony Orchestra - Yes, an entire orchestra. The whole thing. Every single instrument, from the grand piano down to the smallest piccolo will follow intruders around, blasting some boisterous symphony. The Wind Section is particularly aggressive.
  5. Scry Pox - Boils break out over intruder’s body, eventually bursting into small eyes. Owner of spell may look through them.
  6. Mark of Ignominy - A Sigil of Ignominy burns into the forehead. Everyone the victims meet will hate and shame them instantly. Strangers will throw rotting vegetables, rough wizards will accost them in the streets, guards will assault then arrest them.
  7. Giant Head Projection - Owner’s head visually projected, Wizard of Oz style, right where the alarm sounded, in whatever state they happen to be in. Sight is fuzzy, and the projection magnifies every little noise.
  8. Omni-Klaxon - It’s a klaxon system, but literally everyone in the city can hear it. Police, wizards, stray shoggoths, and just about every living thing with ears will be disturbed. Quite illegal, trivial to triangulate. Very likely that the entire building will soon be demolished by a grumpy wizard mob unconcerned with its current occupants.
  9. It’s Raining Men - Men of ages 21-96 periodically fall from seemingly out of nowhere. Half the time they die on impact. Nobody ever has any idea where they come from. Men likely to be hopelessly confused at their predicament, and will probably latch onto the first person they see.
  10. The Spanish Inquisition - You know exactly how this works. Turns out it’s an excellent delaying tactic.
  11. A Sudden Economic Recession - Alarm sets off a secret mystical chain of events leading to a “Momentary Catastrophic Economic Recession”. Stockwizards all over the city will start jumping to their deaths, surely alarming anyone by a window or rooftop.
  12. Psychic Linking - Everyone in the building becomes emotionally and empathically linked. Lasts 24 Hours. Owners/Guards become instantly aware of intruders, and vice-versa.
  13. Building Grows Giant Legs - And then lifts itself off the foundation. Entire building begins running down the block in search of the nearest help. Shakes up the building like a birthday present for a toddler.
  14. The Boogie Machine - Lights dim, music plays, disco balls drop from the ceiling, and everyone in the vicinity cannot do anything if they’re not dancing while doing it.
  15. Flies in Your Eyes - Illusory flies start appearing in the visions of intruders. Impossible to swat, impossible to avoid, incredibly distracting. Accompanied by loud buzzing sound.
  16. Open Bounty - Alarm triggers instant bounty, five pounds of unicorn flesh per head, on any and all unlawful intruders. Announces this loudy on street and triggers Sending to the fiercest bounty hunters around.
  17. Past Assassin - Message sent to past detailing current intruders to an assassin, who will then try and cut them off and change past events so that intrusion does not occur.
  18. Triple Point Weather Machine - Conjures up a storm of snow, steam, and rain. Dense storm clouds form above building and lightning strikes hazard every edifice.
  19. Faces All Over - Alarm-triggerer’s face magically appear on anything that normally has faces: coins, paintings, door knockers, ceremonial vases, cats. Other wizards may or may not be exempt. Effect lasts for a week.
  20. The Laugh Track - All actions hereby done within the complex now have a disembodied laugh track in accompaniment. All nearby can hear the delirious studio audience.