Thursday, July 12, 2018

20 Traps for Wizards and Assholes


Nothing going on here! (Source)

Traps are designed to hinder, incapacitate, or wound intruders and thieves.

  1. Xeno Hallway - Person moves half the speed they did last round, every round. If not sprinting at the start they’ll effectively be stuck.
  2. Time-Delay Exploding Snake-in-a-Can - A few handfulls of spring-loaded snakes pop out with a limp horn sound and a bunch of confetti. Time-delayed explosive packed with ball bearings set within each one to detonate 2-3 Rounds later (around the time someone would pick them up). If on ground reaps ankles. If in hand definitely takes off hand and may be lethal.
  3. Turn Rune - Trigger-activated rune prevents all affected from turning left or right on their own accord. Visual or area activation common. Typically last a day.
  4. Rapid Parasitic Bamboo Darts - Parasitic bamboo is injected via dart, saps nutrients and energy from host, grows at 2 inches/minute. Very awkward to try and run or squeeze with a foot of bamboo jutting out of your knee sideways.
  5. Acceleration Rune - Target starts accelerating at rate of 5ft/round(squared). No effective upper speed limit. Distance required to turn 90 degrees also increases at 5ft/round (starting at 0ft). Unless eventually dispelled, your pieces will almost certainly end up ricocheting into space.
  6. The Classic Zombie Ejection - Used in high traffic dungeons. Anyone who dies nearby gets teleported here, zombified, and then ejected like a floppy pool noodle when the lock is opened. The more impossibly compact the container the better! Think clown car, but it’s your friends and they want to eat your brains.
  7. The Floor is Lava! - Troll Defense Contractors (TDC) are not responsible for any damages or architectural insecurities exposed by use of this product.
  8. False Room - Strangely insecure ajar door/window leads to unnotable or empty room. Passing through threshold triggers conjured walls around all sides, trapping occupant. One-way viewing wall allows owner to view trapped intruder.
  9. Neverending Pit Trap - The classic 10ft pit trap! With false bottom into another pit trap. Followed by another. And another. Repeat forever. False bottom typically survives initial fall impact, but not subsequent movement.
  10. Bound Forgetfulness Elemental - This little guy causes people to forget stuff when they look at it, including the Forgetfulness Elemental. Lives in a conspicuous container, like a treasure chest, transport crate, or a top hat. Generally works down a hierarchy of memories, starting with: prepared spells, recently introduced names, family birthdays.
  11. Wizardnip Sprayer - Yep, it’s catnip, but for wizards. Hidden tube sprays high-inducing liquid (only effective on wizards). Aside from getting really really high, it’ll also attract every wizard in 50 meters to seek you out and rub themselves all over you like some giant disgusting cat. On the positive side, they’ll probably be friendly, and definitely won’t want to cannibalize your flesh!
  12. Dobo Gas - Portmanteau of “Directionless-Hobo”. Clear odorless gas wipes victim’s memory of all local space configurations. Characters can no longer have reference to where familiar places are, even if they’re looking directly at a map. Better ask directions! Lasts 2 Days. If the players have maps, take ‘em.
  13. Radioactive Loot - Hope you enjoy having cancer, thief! Whatever is worth stealing is radioactive. Direct prolonged contact is sure to produce dire health effects.
  14. Memetic Text - Words that, when mentally recognized, causes the reader to undertake the described action. Highly illegal. Very expensive. Subject to sabotage (by changing the text). Popular ones include “Punch Your Balls”, “Eat Your Feet”, or “Aardvark”. Reactions varied to unclear orders.
  15. Binding Rune - Holds exactly one person that steps into it. Person inside cannot escape of their own volition under any circumstance, except for another person entering the circle. Preserves metabolic functions.
  16. Fireplace of Doom! - Big scary demonface fireplace spawns grasping sootfire tentacles and floods the building with smoke in the event of the alarm triggering. Sootfire burns and drags foes back into the Fireplace to cremate.
  17. Portal to the Plane of Distraction - It leaks distractions and red herrings like a flood drain in a storm. Constantly tosses irrelevant, unimportant, and shiny things at the players, such as: ominous golden trinkets, adorable puppies, and tantalizing floating disembodied butts.
  18. Unicorn Spirit Trapped In Sneaky Rake - Ahhhh, the elusive unicorn-trapped-in-rake! How majestic it appears, with great velocity, careening towards your face! It will appear around the estate, inconveniently materializing beneath trespassers’ feet, then galloping off. Won’t hurt virgins.
  19. A Very Seductive Lamp - Charms all who see it. Typically leads to multiple wizards fighting over the sexy lamp. Those holding the lamp close to their chest may act as normal.
  20. Carnivore Spellbook - Nothing so tempting as an open spellbook! Will leap up and snap shut with hidden teeth at anything that gets near it, particularly faces

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