What Are The Wizard Police Dealing With Today?

The Old Prison is the headquarters for the Anti-Magic Weapons and Tactics Police in Wizard City Hexcrawl, which continuously deal with problems within the city that may perhaps affect the holdings of the property-owning class.

It's a brutal and thankless job, but someone needs to protect the interests of the bourgeoisie! If not the police, then who, WHO?? Who will think of the Dread Oligarchs?! Who will think of the Retro-Patenters?! Who will think of the Obliviate Landlords?! Who will think of the Spell Sharks and the Scourge Capitalists?! Who will think of the Soul Mortgagees and the Organ Harvesters and the Renters-Of-Tongues?!

On the up side, at least it comes with the perk of a License For Brutality, provided you aren't using it on someone with powerful connections. On the down side, you gotta deal with this shit:

WHAT SHIT DO THE ANTI-WIZARD POLICE NEED TO CLEAN UP TODAY?

d20	It’s A(n)...	And It’s...	And Just to Make Matters Worse...	But At Least We Have...
1	Mimetic Plague	99% Contained	Now It’s Raining Halberds. Literally.	Ammo in Extreme Surplus
2	Budding Revolution	Mostly Contained	It’s Completely Resistant to Magic	Esprit de Corps. Great.
3	Mass Panic	Kinda Contained	We’re Out of Coffee	A Hostage
4	Riot	Sorta Contained	We’re Out of Pastry	Economic Leverage
5	Attempt at Unionization	Probably Not Contained	We’re Out of Funding for the Department	Hazard Pay
6	Minority Which Needs Some Lessons in ‘Civility’	Definitely Not Contained	An Administrator is Overseeing the Operation Personally	A Highly Trained Killer-Stoat
7	Assassination Attempt on a Public Figure	Dangerously Not Contained	There’s Time Magic Involved	A License for Unlimited Collateral Damage
8	Important Person With a Trivial Problem	Oh, We’re Fucked.	It has a Clone	A Platoon of Trainees We Can Throw At The Problem
9	Connected Person’s Child’s Birthday Party	MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!	It’s Evolving Faster Than We Can Adapt	The Last Platoon of Trainees We Threw At A Problem, Fresh From That Problem
10	Unexpected Turn in the Stock Market	Made Completely Out of Knives	The Other Branches of Secret Police Are Getting Involved	Everyone From The Last Problem, Risen As Zombies
11	Rogue Wizard	Already Replicating Exponentially	It’s Monday.	State-sponsored Life Insurance Subsidies
12	Rogue Wizard with a Silly Hat	Smarter Than We Are	There’s a Dungeon Swan Nearby	Our Department Mascot: Berry the Peryton
13	Rogue Wizard with a Silly Voice	Spreading Like Wizard-Herpes	It’s a Steeve	One Minor Healing Potion Each
14	Rogue Wizard with a Sexy Sidekick	FROM THE FUTURE!!!	It’s Popular with The Masses	Our Cyanide Capsules
15	Rogue Wizard Who Isn’t Actually a Rogue Wizard, But Someone Important Wants Them Dealt With	Sorta... Kinda... Technically Indestructible.	We Haven’t Replaced the Broken Wizard-Beaters Yet	The Illusion of Popular Support
16	Monster Gone Rogue	Carving a Horrible Path of Destruction from The Docks to the Student Ghetto	Anything That Looks At It Dies Instantly	Our Dubious Pensions
17	Monster With Some Incorrect Property Claims	Continuously Exploding	Dealing With It Is Going to Upset some Very Powerful People	The Best Cannon Fodder Money Can Buy
18	Monster With a Silly Hat	Got Support from Foreign Agents	Apparently It’s Spawning a Religion	The Cooperation of Organized Crime
19	Monster With Some Heretical Ideas on the Rights of the Working Class	Making Some Pretty Fair Points, Actually...	Everyone Involved in the Operation is Going to Be Killed At The End to ‘Tie Up Loose Ends’	Clean Underwear
20	Hydra. Again.	Made of Smaller Hydras	It’s Giving Birth to More Bloody Hydras	A Hydra! Wait, No… That’s a Bad Thing.

The Old Prison itself is where the Old Judicial System used to keep The Old Prisoners, back when they still had jury trials and 'Common Law'. Now it's effectively an office building, training facility, and fortress for the AMWAT police, with only about twice as much hopelessness and half the inmates.

Source

Wizards undergoing 'administrative punishment' are typically taken there to enact their sentences given arbitrarily on the spot by the various police forces. As such, there is a modest bureaucratic force there to undertake such measures, such as spell-fee collection or the dispellment of punitive Curses.

A front assault upon the institution is not advised. Neither is a multi-pronged assault. In fact, it's just better if you never assault the place. It's chocked full of full-time wizard killers - they're wise to every permutation of magical shit that one can be thrown at (see above table) and they rarely take prisoners, despite the fact that they work in a prison.