Found near the Portal of Screams in
Wizard City Hexcrawl.
It's not uncommon for the wizard police to have thrown criminals into the future as punishment for their deeds. This unfortunately produces the situation where the city is constantly receiving criminals from the past.
Also, due to a portentous event known as The Morsley Conundrum (which identifies a time-traveling event horizon approximately 1,200 years in the future) Wizard City also receives a number of time travelers from the future - some criminal, some criminally insane, and some criminally wanting to alter the course of events, paradox be damned.
These peoples all land in a place called The Present. Double-meaning, this title, as it appears to act as a lightning rod for time-travelers, and because more often than not, these folk become fodder for The Steeves. Sometimes, though, they manage to escape into the city and cause general havoc.
CRIMES FROM THE PAST
d20
|
Name
|
What Was In Fashion Then?
|
Crime
|
Sentence Time
|
1
|
Jarvis McCree
|
Heckling Clerics
|
Establishing a Dated Prophecy
|
213 Years
|
2
|
The Magnanimous Mr. Monroe
|
Really Really Big Chins
|
Premeditated Paradox
|
150 Years
|
3
|
Krillby
|
Excessive Sarcasm
|
Psychoterrorism
|
140 Years
|
4
|
Grover
|
Hairy Chests
|
Statutory Enchantment
|
100 Years
|
5
|
Liz the Wiz
|
Being Able to Shoot Lightning Out of Anything
|
Institution of Psychohistory
|
80 Years
|
6
|
MISSUS Dufonte
|
Beating Beggars for Fun
|
Transmutative Currency Manipulation
|
55 Years
|
7
|
Chris Krinkle
|
Public Servants Who Actually Cared About Democracy
|
Aggravated Polymorph of a Bailiff
|
40 Years
|
8
|
Nahni
|
Weaponized Handbags
|
Perjurious Amnesia
|
35 Years
|
9
|
Toadstool
|
Designer Eyeballs
|
Illusory Witnesses
|
20 Years
|
10
|
Ms. Bullette
|
Skirts Big Enough to Hide Your Entire Criminal Posse Under It
|
Impersonation of a Gazebo
|
16 Years
|
11
|
Gorgonchock
|
Monuments Devoted to the Size of One’s Member
|
The Creation of Unregistered Silos
|
15 Years
|
12
|
Berry Blue
|
Disguising Oneself as Furniture
|
Student Advocacy
|
14 Years
|
13
|
Lil’ Bucket
|
Fastidious Helmets
|
Criticizing Police While Technically Correct
|
10 Years
|
14
|
Hummingbird
|
Really Really Big Hats
|
Spell Patent Infringement
|
8 Years
|
15
|
Sammy Jam
|
Casually Dressing Like The Pope
|
Insufficiently Wizardly Appearance
|
7 Years
|
16
|
Adum
|
Submitting Trademark Applications For Literally Every Possible Thing
|
Pet Fraud
|
5 Years
|
17
|
Clammy Sam
|
Breeding Very Peculiar and Pungent Turnips
|
Kink Shaming
|
3 Years
|
18
|
Rammy the Third
|
Dangerously Short Butlers
|
Misdemeanor Magic Dispelment
|
10 Months
|
19
|
Scully J.
|
Paying People to Learn For You
|
Felonious Insult
|
6 Months
|
20
|
Astrea
|
Whatever’s In Fashion Now, But It’s Just Starting
|
Legislative Homicide
|
1 Month
|
CRIMES FROM THE FUTURE
d20
|
Name
|
What’s Going to be In Fashion?
|
Crime
|
Sentence Time
|
1
|
Gunter
|
Establishing Completely Impossible Family Trees
|
Fathering Oneself
|
-30 Years
|
2
|
Malificous Bile
|
Not Knowing or Caring How Many Layers Deep Into the Dream Reality You Are
|
Manipulation of Compound Interest
|
-40 Years
|
3
|
Mockingjay
|
“FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET!
FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET!
FUCK GRAVITY! BUILD THE ROCKET!!!”
|
Dream Arson
|
-45 Years
|
4
|
Liro the Rake
|
Fascism. Shit.
|
Revolutionary Thinking
|
-50 Years
|
5
|
Heimlick
|
Still Fascism. Fuck.
|
Coughing in Public
|
-70 Years
|
6
|
Ms. Locke
|
Whatever Comes After Fascism. I Guess...
|
The Assaultment of Sacred Ducks
|
-90 Years
|
7
|
Smash
|
Casually Dressing Like The Anti-Pope
|
Resisting Ultraviolent Arrest
|
-110 Years
|
8
|
ABBBA-BAAAB-ABBBB
|
The Brain Collective. All Hail!
|
Conspiracy
|
-130 Years
|
9
|
Axyll
|
Fascism Again. Fucking hell!
|
Architectural Battery
|
-155 Years
|
10
|
Kewin
|
The Only Two Valid Genders: Ghost or Skeleton
|
Historical Character Assassination
|
-175 Years
|
11
|
Umari
|
The Fun Kind of Existential Nihilism
|
Conspiracy to Commit Discomancy
|
-200 Years
|
12
|
Krastor
|
Hairy Chests Again. We’re Back, Baby!
|
Imaginary Burglary
|
-205 Years
|
13
|
Skullchild
|
Vintage Disco Music
|
Destructive Deja Vu
|
-270 Years
|
14
|
Azor the Enlightened Foot
|
Fucking Just… Roundhouse Kicking People On The Street I Guess!
|
The Breaking of 15 Prohibitions
|
-300 Years
|
15
|
Katfish
|
“We’ve Totally Evolved Beyond Fashion.”
|
Supertask Creation
|
-350 Years
|
16
|
JAM HAM TRON
|
Being Thrown Back in Time
|
Expression of Fraudulent Irrational Numbers
|
-450 Years
|
17
|
Endarius-Gran
|
Having a Harem of Seventy-Seven Cultists of Grau
|
Speaking the Name of The Ineffable One
|
-777 Years
|
18
|
“We Don’t Have Names in the Future.”
|
Excessively Large Parasols
|
Gazing at the Doom Sun
|
-800 Years
|
19
|
Ricardo de Lon’don
|
Going Back in Time and Fucking. Shit. Up.
|
Time Theft
|
-900 Years
|
20
|
Dave
|
Contemplating The Nature of Existence as the Universe Begins It’s Long and Beautiful Sunset Into The Cold Dark Night. Pondering the Infinite Timelines and Modes of Being That Have Graced This Reality. What Was Life? What Was Its Purpose? What Was It All For?... Just Kidding! IT’S FUCKTONS OF DRUUUUUUUUGS!!
|
Being a Square
|
-1199 Years
|
