Pact of Matrimony (5e)

Because my main home campaign, Tidelock, is run using 5e D&D, I occasionally write ridiculously unbalanced stuff for it. Warlocks are a favorite - here's a new Pact for them.

PACT OF MATRIMONY

Most marriages end when one or more of its partners die. But for some Death is merely the beginning of an awful relationship. Engaging in the Pact of Matrimony ensures the Pactee's soul in eternal marriage to their designated upon death.

The ring is delivered by a servant of the patron.
Source

Acquired at Warlock Level 3.

You receive an Engagement Ring from your patron, to whom you have sworn eternal matrimony upon death. This ring cannot be removed under any circumstance: should fingers be chopped off or limbs lost, the ring will relocate itself to some remaining part of the body (as an earring, piercing, tattoo, etc.).

The warlock’s patron is an exceptionally jealous being. Anybody that shows romantic affection towards the warlock will become cursed. This may manifest in several potential ways, according to the particular patron and the DM’s discretion.

Gain proficiency, or Expertise if already proficient, in two of the following skills: Persuasion, Deception, Performance, Intimidation, Insight.

Patron	Why?	Jealous Curse
Archfey	Let’s be honest, fey are pretty hot.	Horrible nightmares of being tortured relentlessly. Also, animals will hate them and attack on sight - even non-aggressive critters like squirrels.
Celestial	“I’m married to JESUS!”	They straighten up and fly right, especially if it’s inconvenient. Any intimacy or any wrongdoing results in moral  and social disaster.
Fiend	It’s easier to arrive in Hell when you’ve already got papers.	Symptoms may include: pain, injury, dizziness, genital rotting, ceaseless rage, grave misfortune, warts, premature aging, and requirement of an exorcist.
Great Old One	The least demanding, and caring, of patrons.	Great Old Ones don’t get jealous. They do, however, create fallout. Bequeaths subtle insanity and strange dreams.
Hexblade	“I’m married to the sword...” (referring to literal sword)	Your Hexblade weapons strike out at potential lovers, gaining a life of their own. They effectively become animated weapons intent on murdering them.
The Sea (Kraken)	“The sea is a harsh mistress…”	Water doesn’t like them. Nightmares of drowning. Catastrophe at sea, extreme difficulty breathing, water poisoning, or scurvy.
Death (Raven Queen)	(grumbly angst) “I’m married to DEATH…”	Death, or very likely near-death experiences. Death would like to have ‘a talk’.
A Lich (The Undying)	Because every adventurer needs a rich eternal sugar daddy to spoil their soul to the core.	The Lich will know, and will *definitely* want to eat their soul.

Patron	Revival Bane (40%)*	Revival Boon (60%)*	Resurrection Bane**	Resurrection Boon**
Archfey	Doom***: Failure on next Dex check / Save within one week.	Grace***: Success on next Dex check / Save within one week.	Your Time Is Short: Shorten lifespan by 5 years	Temporal Youth: Appear 5 years younger
Celestial	Bane	Bless	Empathy: When anything within 10ft takes damage, you take 1 damage.	Blessed: Gain Lay on Hands as 2 levels of Paladin
Fiend	Deal 1d4 x Level damage split as you wish among allies within 120ft.	Deal 1d4 x Level damage split as you wish among enemies within 120ft.	Hunger: Gain a random Addiction, -1 WIS.	Devilish Pride: +1 CHA
Great Old One	Temporary Random Madness	Clarity: Automatic success on next Knowledge check within one week.	Visions of What Is and What’s To Come: Gain a Madness, -1 WIS	Become more appealing to crazy people: +1 CHA
Hexblade	Disadvantage on attack rolls with weapons.	Advantage on attack rolls with weapons.	Reckless: +1 to all damage received	Bloodthirsty: +1 to weapon damage rolls
The Sea	Sea Sickness (Poisoned)	Freedom of Movement	Fishy: -2 CHA from smelling funny and looking more fish-like.	Fishy: +2 CON, doubles duration of holding breath, +5ft of Blindsense
Death	1 HP is your health maximum	Revive at full HP, then temporarily double your max HP	Close to Death: -2 CON	Death Tease: Receive one permanent duration, undispellable Death Ward
A Lich	Lose 1 highest level Spell Slot	Gain 1 highest level Spell Slot	A Piece of Soul: Lose one important memory, -1 INT	Memetic Erasure: One collective memory of you is lost, your choice.

*Duration is 1d3 x 10 minutes unless otherwise specified. If multiple instances occur, then Banes and Boons either stack or cancel out at a 1:1 ratio.

** Effects are permanent

*** DM makes this roll in secret.

Each time the warlock drops to 0 hit points, they will have a brief meeting with their dread pact-fiance, resulting in a brief interaction (likely a reminder of what’s to come) and either a bane or boon. There shall be an exceptional amount of pettiness.

Upon the event of the warlock’s first death, they will be unable to resurrect for one week. During this time the warlock’s soul undergoes the Dread Wedding and possibly a honeymoon. Various torments and pains will be undertaken, and if the warlock resurrects they will be forever changed. Each time the warlock resurrects they will gain a permanent effect, depending on patron.